Abstinence

Chapter 31.

I've been anxiously waiting to see Hayden again. After the incident that happened during my lunch break a few days ago, he is the only one I want to be with. I want his comfort and his company. I have been having nightmares of being shot again but instead of a graze wound, I was bleeding out on the ground calling for Hayden. I wake up crying every morning with the deafening ringing of a gunshot sound in my ears. I considered not sleeping like Hayden used to do, but my body won't allow it. I'm so exhausted all I can do is sleep.

Mrs. Sutter has come back to the apartment and she's been a great help. She always brings me the supplies to change my bandage and keep it clean and she always has a story to tell to distract me from my own killer thoughts.

I've been thinking about leaving Seattle since I was in the hospital getting my thigh treated from the bullet wound. I just want to get away from all of this madness with Lina, and Hayden's case and him being in prison, and that bald scarface man who shot at me. It's beginning to take a toll on me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I was thinking of giving up and just leaving in the middle of the night, but Mrs. Sutter talked me out of it. She and I both know I don't want to leave Hayden.

I was very fortunate that I didn't damage anything major when I got shot. It was a superficial wound and the only thing I will have left from all of this is a scar. A scar is better than death or a permanent injury in my eyes. Wade and Kyle came at the perfect time and Wade took him down while Kyle tended to me. He drove Jessica and I to the hospital and stayed with us the entire time. Luckily Jessica was physically unharmed, but she's still shaken up about the entire situation.

Erika, Mrs. Sutter, and everyone at work found out about it on the news. I couldn't dare to tell Hayden about it, so Wade did it for me. I haven't spoken to Hayden much but I will be visiting him today if the security detail will let me. I know they really don't want me anywhere near the prison since Scarface—whose name is actually Jack—is in the same facility as Hayden. Hayden blames himself for what happened, but I don't. This is all because of Lina and Jack.

Jack didn't deny nor could he deny stalking me and shooting at me but he claims he acted alone. I am smart enough to know otherwise. I know he's working with Lina, but it can't be proved. Wade and other people on his team were tracking Jack and that's how they knew he would be there. If Wade hadn't intervened Jack's shot with one of his own the bullet could have landed somewhere more life-threatening instead of just a graze. And I wouldn't be sitting here lounging on the sofa babysitting Luke while he watches this strangely hilarious cartoon on the television.

"Miss Greene, I made breakfast, are you hungry?"

Even as my stomach growled for food I ignored it, "No, thank you Mrs. Sutter."

I haven't been able to keep my food down. Every time I try to eat, I find myself thinking about it again. I begin to relive the situation that happened. Then I feel sick and lose my appetite, so I just don't even try. "Are you sure? You didn't eat anything for dinner last night." Her worry is shown on her aged features and in her tone, making me feel slightly guilty for not eating much.

"I'm sure. Luke would you like some breakfast?"

"Yes." He answers curtly and rises from the couch to go into the kitchen leaving me alone on the couch. I can hear Mrs. Sutter sigh disapprovingly as she walks off to go back into the kitchen but even that doesn't make me change my mind about eating anything right now. I just want to sleep in Hayden's arms. Is that too much to ask for?

I guess in my case it is because I can't even hug him long enough without someone yelling at us to stop touching.

My phone rings on my lap breaking me from all of my thoughts, "It's Alice." I answer monotonously.