Abstinence

Chapter 39.

After that Sunday night, when I asked Hayden to fuck me, it hasn't been the same. I know it's my fault, but he insisted that it isn't. He's promised me that he will talk with me soon but he's been so busy with work that he just hasn't found the time to do it. It's been three days since he's touched me and we leave for Greece today with my family. With Hayden and myself barely talking I am praying this trip will improve that.

I wish it weren't illegal for me to ask Dr. James what the hell is wrong with him, I would have done so as soon as Hayden stepped onto the elevator that Monday. When he got home that night he wasn't annoyed as he was in the morning, he was angry if anything. He told me it had nothing to do with me and that he had a phone call that ruined his entire day. When I tried to ask for more details he said he didn't want to talk about it. So of course, I left it alone. I've been leaving it alone since then, but the apartment is so tiny there aren't enough places for me to go to avoid questioning him. Erika and Luke have been a great distraction but only until I have to lie on my side facing away from Hayden. Then it's just awkward. I wish I never asked him to have sex with me that way.

"I hope you guys have an amazing time." Erika hugs me as Hayden and I stand in the doorway. He's on his phone ignoring the both of us, waiting to leave.

"Take care of the house, try not to let anyone in and ransack the apartment while we're gone." Hayden does not bother to look up from his phone as he rudely speaks with his sister.

"Very funny Hayden, maybe you should make sure your psycho ex doesn't show up again." She bites back. The two of them act like actual siblings that have been going at it for years. "I hope you come back with that pole in your ass removed."

"Erika," He glares at her and I know the crude comment was going to come.

"Okay you two, cut it out. Wade is waiting for us in the car we need to go."

"Have fun Alice, loosen up Hayden." She leaves us with that and closes the door as we exit. Catching me off guard, Hayden takes my hand interlocking our fingers as we walk down the hall, his face still in his phone.

At this moment I feel like Hayden and I are simply coexisting. I feel like a couple that's been married for twenty years, the fire in the beginning is gone but you still have love for one another. He's there, he's here with me, but he isn't. For some reason, that's still unknown to me, he's decided he doesn't want to talk to me. He wants to coexist.

"Are you thinking of me?" He asks forcing me to look up at him in the elevator.

"What?"

"You're as quiet as a mouse and it's unlike you. So I'm asking are you thinking of me?"

"I'm always thinking of you."

"Good things I hope."

"Not this time." I speak in almost a whisper, feeling slightly embarrassed to have to utter it aloud to him.

"What is it?"

"I'm sorry Hayden."

"Baby," He pushes the red button on the elevator, causing it to come to an abrupt stop between the ninth and eighth floor. "Please stop apologizing to me. I don't deserve your apology."

"But you do, I did this. I asked you for something you spent years of therapy trying to overcome. Now you're angry and even though you say it isn't with me you haven't touched me or kissed me since."

His hand slips from mine and he moves to stand in front of me, putting his phone in the back pocket of his jeans.

"I haven't?" I guess it wasn't intentional then.