Shawn Mendes Imagines

91- Postnatal Depression

I viciously shook the bottle of formula to mix the powder and formula together and ran my free hand through my hair frustratedly.

"Stop crying" I yelled at Shawn and I's four-month old daughter, Claudia. "Please, just shut up"

She continued to scream the house down, her eyes were red and her cheeks were drenched by the large mass of tears she had shed. I placed the bottle in her mouth but she kicked and pushed it away.

"You want the bottle have it!" The tears were welling up in my eyes and I was beginning to lose it. I don't know what I was thinking when I thighs I was fit to be a mother. I'm incapable of feeding a baby, incapable of making her stop crying. I cannot do this. "Please, baba, just stop" I pleaded but she didn't listen. I wanted to strangle her. The frustration was building up inside of me so much that I threw her bottle ar cross the room and at a wall as I cuddled her into my chest and cried.

The door swung open and Shawn rushed in panting like a maniac.

"Is everything okay? I heard a bang-
y/n?" His voice softened and he rushed to my side kneeling down in front of the couch. "y/n, what's wrong? What happened?"

He took Claudia off me and my upper body fell limp as I cried into my hands. He soothing rocked Claudia and she eventually stopped crying and fell asleep. It was peaceful to my ears although my ears were still ringing.

Shawn disappeared with Claudia but soon returned empty handed and sat on the seat next to me. He traced circles on my back and my crying calmed, similar to Claudia.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I can't do it." I choked out a sob again and he pulled me into his embrace.

"Can't do what?"

"I can't do this mothering thing. I'm not fit to be a mother. I'm a mess. I can't eat, I can't sleep and I can never stop Claudia from crying, you always have to come to the rescue." He pressed a kiss against to top of my head. "Everyone else seems to be able to yet I can't it's like I'm not made for motherhood." I started to cry again and Shawn comforted me.

"Darling, you're the best mother I know. You're the perfect mother for Claudia and I couldn't ask for someone better to mother my daughter than you. I just think you're having a hard time dealing with this sudden change. I love you and I know Claudia will grow up to love you as well. Don't worry, you're doing great!" He pressed a kiss on to my lips.

"I feel like I'm not bonding with her though and I'm scared incase I hurt her" I sniffled.

"Baby, I think we should see the doctor and go to therapy. Maybe you'll feel better but for know I think- no I know you're an amazing mother. You have nothing to worry about, okay?" I nodded slightly. "I love you so much, honey."

"I love you too" he pressed a kiss onto my lips.

"Now, how about we have some 'us' time whilst Claudia's sleeping. You know what I'm saying?" He said as he smirked and arched his eyebrows.