Eyes of Fire (Gaster!Sans x Reader)

4. Faded

Y/n

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My eyes fluttered open, still in the dark, shadowed alleyway. I sat up, remembering last night. Refusing to let memories take hold of me again, I packed up my things and cautiously looked around before setting off again, the presence I felt yesterday crawling on my skin. Glimmering and creating a calming light over the many dilapidated buildings, the sun rose over the bleak horizon, a pale blue spreading throughout the sky and the stars were no longer present, hidden away to the galaxies.

I didn't really know where I was headed. I was just running. Maybe from my fears, maybe from all of humanity. I didn't know what I was seeking to find either. Seeing a person right now seemed impossible, plus I hadn't seen a monster, let alone a human for a little less than a year, so I guess you could say I was more socially awkward than usual.

Again, I felt the sense of someone watching me, filling my bones with a very familiar surge of trepidation, like I had felt this feeling before; in another time, another place, perhaps. With new found bravery I ignored it, my brows furrowing valiantly, placing foot after foot on the cold, stone brick ground. I wore black ripped jeans, my black jacket and muddy converses, alongside my ruined backpack (black is my happy colour). Pulling my hood up with a cold hand, I hummed quietly to myself. Before the war, music was a great comforter to all my ails and problems, especially the bullying. It was a time where I could forget all the trials of this broken world, and lie in soothing slumber. Softly, my humming turned into almost silent singing, the words ghosting on my lips. No one was around to kill me, so what harm could it do? Very complacent thoughts, I would soon come to realize. Even if there was someone, I don't think I cared if they killed me or not. Not anymore. 

What was the point of living, if there was nothing to live for?

'..Ch-change this world..' My mother's voice came whispering in my mind, like a vivid flashback. Like a malfunctioning robot, my movements jerkily came to a halt, and my singing stopped as soon as it had started, replaced by raspy quickening breaths. 

I tried not to think about it, but I couldn't. It was impossible not to. It always is. 

It came crashing down on me even before I could think anything more. My mind raced, filling with twisted images of the room, the haunting day my family were cruelly taken from me, and I was left to soullessly live. To live an empty life without the things that had always made me whole, the things that I took for granted- that we all take for granted. My senses were taken over by terrifying hyperventilation, my vision swimming like a nightmarish vortex. My hands shook and quivered, leaving me with no grip to flail, to lurch down towards the cracked and rough ground. It was as if all my senses were dialed to 1000, all whilst being so painfully numbed- to the point where everything felt like a contorted vision. I was stranded on an invisible island, I couldn't move, I couldn't breath, I couldn't do anything.

'I can't change this world'

'I'm worthless, what can I do?'

'No one loves me'

'No one needs me'

And then, with these thoughts in my head, the world faded to black. 

Always, always black.

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