Eyes of Fire (Gaster!Sans x Reader)

23. Thantophobia

Y/n P.O.V

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I walked.

Then I ran.

Then I walked some more.

Exhaustion was getting the better of me, and I wasn't just tired because of my restless night, but emotionally and mentally fatigued. I shouldn't have felt like this. This was my fault- I knew he would come back, but I joined the skeletons anyway, in hope that he would have gone for real this time. I was wrong, he would never leave. Never.

I finally stumbled upon a dead end, a looming brick wall towering before me. The absence of any being filled the air with eerie guilty silence, as I approached the solid wall. It was curious as to how I had any energy left, but somehow, I hitched my legs up, and slowly climbed over the easily conquerable obstruction, to face yet another wall of dark, unwelcoming trees, swaying rhythmically in the harsh wind. Unlike the peaceful night I shared with G, this forest was laced with resentment, as if nature itself was against me in this dark world. Nevertheless, I had to continue on.

It seemed whenever I went outside, it was always nighttime, as if the stars knew when I was distraught in need of comfort. They were not so comforting tonight.

It was finally dark, and the light had left, forever. Not physically, but in my mind, there was only a shadow of what was once bright, shining happiness. The brilliant radiance of the full moon beamed down upon me, as I shaded my eyes, entering the silent forest. I would have to stay on the outskirts for the night, but tomorrow I would venture further, run further. To get away from this hellish nightmare I caused.

It was rational to think that he was the reason I was so broken, running in fear, but I knew in my heart that long ago, I caused these turn of events to soon enough happen. That I, without doubt, was the one destined to cause such heartbreak and turmoil.

It took every ounce in my frail body to convince myself that what I was doing, was for G's safety, and that it was for the best. But this feeling, this absence of his pure warmth, cut deeper than any knife, piercing through my shattered heart.

Why?

I wanted to scream

Why me?

I wanted the bitter wind to carry my faded soul away, and to never return.

Do I deserve this? After all this time, still?

What have I done?

Why?!

I couldn't bear it, knowing that I could ultimately never see him again.

"Are you happy?" I whispered my pathetic curses upon the monster, clenching my fists.

"Are you satisfied?! You have broken me, you have ripped me apart!" I screamed, my cheeks wet with the constant fall of desperate tears. Unable to stop, I sobbed and shrieked in absolute dysphoria, the harsh wind echoing and howling around me, shooting through my body.

"Are you done...?" My quiet, restless words hovered in the air, before disappearing and melting into nothing. I sat on the hard, dirt ground, staring emptily into the deep blue sky above, that stretched for miles beyond human sight. My chest heaved with shallow breath, as it unfurled out of my mouth and into the frost-filled air.

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Hope you enjoyed, I apologise for the lack of updates.