She Held The World ✿ Brendon Urie

Chapter Nine

The gym to my school is being polished and the stairs are getting cleaned. It smells like shit in here. I can't breathe, it smells like a burning tire. Rip.

Enjoy.

{TRIGGER WARNING}

Brooke pulled her knees to her chest and backed into the corner. Sarah stood over her, stumbling over from her drunkenness. Blood dripped down Brooke's face and knees. Bruises covered her face and body. Her ripped clothing was laying in shambles around her body. "N- no wonder your useless father gave you up," Sarah hiccuped, nearly tripping herself. "You are worthless, no one loves you. You are a piece of shit." Sarah suddenly screamed and threw the alcohol glass bottle towards Brooke. Brooke yelped as the glass shattered against the wall behind her. The glass dripped like rain drops against Brooke's hair and body. Tears streamed down her face as her body shook with pain. Sarah stomped over and grabbed Brooke by her hair. Gripping her hair, Sarah pulled her head up. With her other hand, Sarah slapped Brooke across the face, leaving a red mark on her face. Brooke's head whipped to the side as she cried out with pain.

***

Brooke ran her finger over the blade. Brooke hasn'tasn selfharmed in a while, but it felt like a lifetime. She rolled up her sleeve on her left arm, and with her right hand, she placed the blade against her skin.

(A/N Skip this part if you are squeamish)

After taking a breath, she slid the razor blade across her skin horizontal. At first, no blood came out, indicating that she hasn't cut deep enough. Brooke cried out with frustration, as she repeatedly overlapped the first cut about four times. Finally, she felt blood drip down her wrist. Brooke sighed out with relief.

Voices chanting in her head, telling- demanding her to cut once more. She repeated the same things she did a minute ago, but this time, harder and placing more pressure on the blade. One, two, three, four, five- she counted in her head as blood dripped down her arms and to the ground.

She remembers the first time she cut herself. It was four years ago. At first, it hurt so much. But now, Brooke is having a hard time. The first time she cut, she used an old switch blade that bended into the handle. But after losing the knife, she started using razor blades. And its not like Sarah didn't have any (because of her drug addiction), Brooke has easy use of them.

With another cut across her wrist she sighed. She promised herself that she'd be clean. And she was; for only two weeks. She hoped that Ryan nor Brendon would ever find out about her self harm.  Brooke laughs to herself, detached like. Her laugh was broken, just like she was. With another cut, she sighed and looked over at her arm. Thin red lines covered both arms, and thick opened wounds overlapped them. She smiled in content, staring at the blood running down her arm and dropping to the floor. She frowned when she heard voices from the next room over.

Its not like they'd miss me. I'm nothing to them. Brooke thought.

***

Brendon sighed and sat down on the bed, with his head in his hands. Ryan sat next to him, gently placing his arm around Brendon's shoulders.

"It's okay Bren." Ryan hummed gently.

"It's not okay, Ryan. S-She's scared of me for fucks sake." Brendon whispered. Brendon's heart hurt from this. He didn't know how to react.

"I don't think she scared of you. Brooke is just scared of Sarah." Ryan tried to convince. Brendon shook his head, glancing up at Ryan with tear filled eyes. "I'll go check on her okay?" Ryan sighed. Brendon nodded slowly as Ryan stood.

"Brooke?" Ryan knocked on the door to her bedroom. He knocked once more and nothing was heard. He pushed the door open, surprisingly finding it open.

Again, he looked around and saw that Brooke was gone. He turned his head in a panic and looked around. The bathroom light was on, but the door was closed. His footsteps where heard as he made his way up the door. "Brooke, are you in there?"

"Y-yeah. I'll be out in a minute." She replied shakily. Her heart dropped once he knocked on the door. Taking a strip of toilet paper, she wrapped it around her forearm over six times. She hissed from her shirt sleeve rubbing against the paper, but slowly, she stood.

She flushed the toilet to make it seem like she was just using the bathroom. She stood and tried to steady herself. Her legs hurt as did her back.

She slowly made her way out the door, clutching the ends of her sleeves in her hands.

Ryan grabbed her wrist gently and attempted to pull her along. Brooke hissed out in pain. Her eyes widened as Ryan stopped. Ryan turned and faced Brooke with a serious look on his face.

"Let me see your wrists." Ryan said suddenly, concern layering his voice. He held her wrist and looked her tensely.

"No." Brooke attempted to get away from Ryan.

Ryan shook his head and grabbed the end of her sleeve. Brooke fought his hand away but failed. He pulled up the sleeve of her jacket, causing the toilet paper to unravel from her arm. The bloodied paper fell to the ground.

Ryan gasped as he saw the large open marks.

***

I have thirty minutes until class starts. It 8:00 am right now where I am.

But on a serious note; cutting is a huge matter and it shouldn't really be taken as a joke.

As a former self harmer, I know it feels to be lonely self harm. If you ever want to talk, I'm right here.

-THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT-