The corpse of the past

Chapter 10: My two boys

Chapter 10

-Katniss-

As soon as my lips are onto Peetas I feel this warmth spreading through my whole body. And I just want more and more. Everything feels just perfect. Peetas lips feels so good against mine, like they always should have been with mine.

But than I hear the audience gasps and I return to reality. Suddenly I feel scared.

I pull away from Peeta and run backstage.

I can't believe I did that. In front of whole Panem. Oh why did I do that to Peeta? He has to be really mad at me. Although he did kiss me back ... But that doesn't mean anything.

I run and sit down in a corner. I cry with my head on the wall, and closed eyes.

I hear footsteps, but I don't look up.

Someone sits down beside me. I don't know who it is, I just hope that it's not Haymitch, because I really don't feel like talking to him right now. I don't need him to tell me what to do, or anything.

The person just sits here, letting me cry.

I still have my eyes closed. The person wraps his arms around me and I immediately know who it is. Peeta.

"Peeta?" I look up at him.

"Hey", he says.

"I'm sorry", I say.

"Don't say that", he says.

"I just got caught up in the moment", I say.

But I'm so lying. I wasn't. I did it completely on purpose because I wanted to. I wanted to feel his lips. I wanted to know if his lips felt the same as they did before.

But still we're only nineteen. We have time to make things right between us, much time, now that the Games are no more. Even though the memories will hunt us down one way or another. Does Peeta still have nightmares? He knows I do, but I don't know if he does.

"You don't have to explain anything", Peeta says, but it's something with his voice, I don't really know what it is.

"Now everyone will think that we're together", I say, looking down.

"Let them, they would anyway", Peeta says and I know it's true, with or without a kiss, this would have ended with everyone believing that Peeta and I are a couple.

But we're not. I haven't had any time to think this through. Nothing of it. I mean I talked to Peeta one night and one day before we had to go here. I want to talk to him more, get to know him again.

We can't get together. We just can't. Even if I wanted to... And I don't know what I want honestly.

"But I know we're not", Peeta adds, almost sounding a bit sad. Could he be sad? Can he read my thoughts.

Suddenly it feels like I used Peeta like a doll. Kissing him on stage and not wanting to be a couple.

That's not fair to him. I'm sending him all the wrong signals.

"I'm sorry", I mumble.

Peeta chuckles.

"I told you not to say that", he chuckle.

I smile a small smile. Peeta is so understanding, so nice and friendly. I love everything about him, about his personality. He has changed so much, and I don't mean the hijacking, that haven't really made him into a different person, other than the flashbacks, I mean that he seem to have grown so much more than he would have without everything that has happened, including the hijacking.