Where Have You Been All My Life

34|Drenching Hearts

Raman stood froze for a moment. He noticed her hiding her sobs. His hands fell lifelessly as he felt so failed. How things became so worst that he is unable to control. How Ishita started feeling that he has an affair that he is keeping away from her? What has made her think that? Who made her feel that way? He stood muddled by the turn of events and closed his eyes tight.

He felt his feet giving away as he tried to cope with the situation. It was always this hard for him, all through his life. In the past, it was Shagun, her betrayal, his arrogant mask and then, he thought he has started living his life when he got Ishita. He thought he has everything now; a lovely wife, their daughter, and an equally strong-headed son like him, who loves his amma a lot. Everything seemed perfect, but not anymore.

There is a limit for a man to endure. He has gone through much. Having a six-month-old baby in his helpless hands was the first miserable moment of his life after how Shagun walked away without a glance back. Watching his son showing indifference and choosing his pretentious mother over him was the next instance where he felt washed up again. Then onwards, he has never let destitute overpower his life, ever.

Alas, he has fallen in that bloody pit of vulnerability, once again. He realized no matter how much he has tried to teach his heart not to fall for another woman, he so exposed to that. This time, the nth time greater than the previous, which made him go through the challenging hurt, which did not fail him as all that has mattered to him was her and her smile.

That woman has changed him a lot and he so strangely felt proud to collapse in her love. He felt good to say he is her man and she is only his. Though they are not their first loves, they had been going through a different phase that they never had experienced with their previous partners. Those heavenly moments of enjoying their newly wedded days crashed down from when everything went up the creek.

He never had a talk with her regarding her infertility. He knows he would hurt her if he would broach the topic. Only if they talked about it, heart-to-heart, he would have been able to know how she reacts to things. He had to seek a third person to know the innermost turmoil of his wife that was indeed a shame! Now that when he saw her shivering, perspiring, gritting, all at once that shock and guilt, casing it with the pain of losing two lives, he decided not to mouth out a word.

He found his heart going rapid as his hold on the table near him tightened. He realized he could not handle this anymore. He has been living through this from the past three months and another hurt could not be muddled through at all. He could not watch that full-blooded woman breaking down. He could not watch his warm wife splitting apart from him. This could be the last. He determined. He does not want any more hurt in his life and he did tremble slightly as a mild pain reached his heart. He moaned that no one noticed; but she did!

"RAMAAANN...!" She shouted her lungs out, startling everyone.

The cry was not of dread but of what he wanted to listen to, until then. There she threw her in his arms and his strong hands held her closer. He felt things back to normal when she cried out for everyone; their deceased babies and him. She could go to any extend to make herself feel okay. She could pretend and deny the truth but not at the cost of his life. After all, that was what he was doing all the way. She realized how hard it could have been for him.

The entire room filled with her loud whimpers, of pain and guilt while everyone looked on shattered and confused. He crushed her in that embrace while she tightly gripped on to him. He felt at peace. His heart beat calmly and his muscles relaxed. This is how he wanted things to turn, though not completely. He wanted her to cry out for their babies and release her pain. He wished she would lose her worries in him.