Where Have You Been All My Life

56|Their Wishes

"Let's drop this topic...and we'd consult Geet after few days..." He suggested.

"Hmm...let's drop it..." She agreed, but deep down, she was not ready to agree to him, as she is, and could be a mother. A mother would not be able to kill her baby for anything or anyone. However, she could not overlook if she would act stubborn, the man who is cuddling in her arms, visibly serene would lose his life once again. This time, even another Ishita could not be able to fix things!

She had slept off emotionally exhausted, as it was after many days that they had a talk about their babies. It still destroyed her from within, failed, and cursed for she could not even recognize the changes she had gone through those days. Emptiness; that was what she could sense in her entire being as she lied beside him, playing with his shirt button, when he was unmindful of the havoc forming inside her. Maybe, she thought he is asleep but his eyes were wide-awake, even when he have squeezed them tight!

It was better be silent and dead than looking at her weary countenance. He was not at all in a mood to talk, as he himself was unable to gulp-in the bile that formed in his throat. He had felt her fingers fidgeting on his shirt and wandering on his chest. It indicated how troubled she was. He could not find a mean to make her comfortable and he did not know he would be able to act normal either. She would make him guilty and hurt, mainly because she would not share how much defeated she was feeling.

He dredge up, he had spent the entire day at office, pondering over the incident, knowing well what has made his wife act weird the very morning. It was obvious to him that she would be worried and tensing up thinking how she would manage him. He did not want to make her feel that he did know everything. A part of him wanted to feel ease, selfishly, thus gave her pain, to deal with it alone! However, he grasped that she is not a strong woman at all. She had fallen sick easily, and was not even able to confine things for a day from him when he has did it for months and would do the same until time lasts, if needed.

Taking his mobile, without disturbing her silence, he had texted Dr Geet for an appointment. It was more like a notification that he would consult her next day and Geet had replied agreeably. His heart was raging in trepidation and the tribulations that is on their way. He should have taken good care of everything regarding her health; now this is making him guiltier for he could conclude only one thing, in taking the pleasure of having her, he had pushed her to the edge of losing her life!

Both did not sleep at all and they did not bother to check on each other, because that would prove fatal and they would end up enduring more hurt. A look into his eyes, she would pour her heart out and deny...deny for what he would ask her to do if she would expect her child at this risky point in their life. She would forget everything; maybe she would ignore his happiness wishing the satisfaction she would get through. She did not want to be selfish and show those who called her barren, but prefer to be the way she is, mother of two kids. Moreover, she felt she is his lifeline for the first time, in front of which, she wanted to slight everything else, even her wish to bear his baby, once again.

She had harked back to her past; betrayal...humiliation, disowning and everything on its worst face! She had endured much and Raman had made her feel helpless when they met. His accusations, taunts, insults, it all did hurt her, although she never had showed it on his face. She had acted strong until she married him! The moment she realized that this man would be beside her all through her life, she had simply forgotten to take care of herself on her own; acting like a doll that needs someone to play it. In all these, she never felt he needed her anywhere in his life! She could not find it!