Sidemen One Shots (boyxboy)

Not Good Enough [Minizerk]

Prompt: Josh is completely depressed after losing Freya and Simon wants to help him. Simon and Josh spend so much time together that they start to fall for each other, except Josh doesn't think he's good enough so he tries to kill himself so Simon can be happy. Simon finds out and manages to save him and they live a good relationship from then on, promising not to hurt each other again.

Simon and Josh have an argument which results in Simon going to a party and breaking Josh's heart. Josh doesn't think he's good enough for Simon and thinks he would be better off without him.

Warnings: Self Harm, Suicide.

Word Count: 3421 Words

~✖~

"Go find yourself a new boyfriend, Josh. I'm fucking out of here." Simon mumbled angrily and headed for the front door.

"Simon, I'm not done talking! Simon!" Josh yelled. "HEY!"

"YOU ARE DONE TALKING!" Simon roared, whipping around to face Josh. "I've had enough! You're sick, thinking that I would actually cheat on you! Just because Freya cheated on you, doesn't mean that I will too! I fucking gave you my all and what do I get? You in my face yelling about something I didn't do!"

"Oh yeah?" Didn't sound like it coming from Ethan's lips!"

"You fucking believe Ethan instead of your own damn boyfriend?"

"At least he doesn't lie, Simon!"

"That was one time? And it didn't even matter!" The boys had had a small disagreement a few weeks ago when Simon had told Josh he was sick, but he had actually gone to a nightclub with his brother, Nick. Josh had forgiven him when Simon explained that his brother was homophobic and he couldn't risk him finding out about their relationship.

"It mattered to me, asshole!"

"Wow, okay. Forget you, Josh. I can't stand you. You're a fucking selfish bastard, you know that?"

Josh shook his head, tears running down his cheeks. "Fuck you, Simon," he said, his voice trembling.

Simon watched the tears he caused fall from Josh's eyes. He could see all the pain in each tiny drop. When Josh found out that Freya had cheated on him and they broke up, Josh was heartbroken. He sunk into a deep, dark depression and it was Simon who supported him through it. Simon and Josh spent so much time together that they started to fall for each other. Simon understood why Josh would have trust issues, but it still hurt him when Josh would make false accusations against him. "Fuck, Josh. Why do you always do this?"

"I love you, Si," Josh choked and tried to smile. "But sometimes I wonder who you are anymore." The corners of his mouth dropped.

Simon was on the verge of crying. He couldn't stay in the house for another second. Simon simply sighed and shook his head at Josh,  before he turned back towards the front door.

"Where are you going?" Josh asked, following Simon with small, apprehensive steps.

"Out." Simon said, a trace of acid still in his voice. He sniffed and opened the door. Simon glanced back at Josh, who stood frozen in the kitchen doorway. Simon's hard expression didn't soften and with that, he slammed the door behind himself.

Josh stood trembling in the kitchen doorway. Finally, he numbly made his way to the couch and allowed himself to collapse onto it. His body racked with sobs as Simon's last look at him flashed through his mind, haunting him, suffocating him, killing him. 

He loved Simon with all of his heart, but he didn't think he was good enough for Simon. Simon would be better off without him, Simon deserved to be happy and find someone else.