Rant Time 3

Factions. . .

(+Bonus Edits)
Well, 2017 is good so far. I didn't end up driving because it got too late, but my mom wants to go see that movie Sing, and maybe she'll let me practice before or after. I've had a dream about driving every single night for the past three nights. I just want to.
Anyway, I got really bored last night and I started writing stuff like "Factions at the (blank)" and Factions (verb) (blank)." I thought I'd share, but I know I'm shit at humor. I did my best.
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1: Factions at the Zoo:
Abnegation: I'll buy you a drink and hold it for you while you look at the animals.
Candor: Ugh, the lines are too long and there are too many stupid people blocking the glass! I can't see! And that zebra took my style. I demand copyright.
Erudite: According to my calculations, that hippo weighs 100.35532 pounds.
Dauntless: *tries to ride giraffe across the field, is escorted out and banned from zoo*
Amity: Oh look! The butterfly exhibit is so pretty! Let's go see it!

2: Factions at the Bookstore:
Abnegation: Oh no, someone left these books in the wrong place. I'll put them back.
Candor: They don't ever have the good books! They told me astrology was over there, and all I found was Sex for Dummies! This is horrible!
Erudite: Where are the math books located? And the science textbooks? I need more knowledge.
Dauntless: *climbs on bookshelf* Look at me!
Amity: *walks around in the children's section, playing with the toys* Do they have anything with bread here?

3: Factions at the Movies:
Abnegation: *is quiet during the entire movie, cleans up everyone's mess at the end*
Candor: This movie is terrible! The plot is so cliche and the acting is stupid!
Erudite: *does homework in the dark* Sh! I'm trying to read!
Dauntless: *throws popcorn everywhere and shouts obscenities at the screen*
Amity: Why can't this movie be about rainbows?! This is scary! I wanna go home!

4: Factions at the Grocery Store:
Abnegation: I'll bag your groceries for you.
Candor: These cookies have too many calories! And they're too expensive! It's all sugar, it shouldn't be this expensive!
Erudite: According to my calculations, each cookie in that pack has 100.445 calories.
Dauntless: *rides around in shopping cart and breaks stuff* Woohoo!
Amity: Oh look! Bread! *buys ten loaves*

5: Factions at the Doctors Office:
Abnegation: *calms screaming child down* It's okay. It won't hurt.
Candor: This place is disgusting. I hate people who don't cover their mouth when they sneeze!
Erudite: No no! You're supposed to give them 10 milliliters, that's 9.50 milliliters! How are they supposed to get better?!
Dauntless: *tries all the medications to see what happens, stabs self with needles*
Amity: *sees needle* Oh, is that the peace serum?! I love it! *gets injected* Ow! That isn't the peace serum! That's unnatural chemicals! I'm gonna die!

6: Factions Playing Monopoly:
Abnegation: *sits out because games are selfish*
Candor: Ugh, Dauntless, you didn't pay me rent! Pay up now!
Erudite: *is the banker* I have approximately 560 Monopoly dollars here.
Dauntless: *cheats, steals money, and flips everyone off*
Amity: Is there a property with rainbows in it?!

7: Factions at Christmastime:
Abnegation: *buys everyone presents, expects nothing in return*
Candor: Santa isn't real, you idiots!
Erudite: It's true. Santa Claus is a fictional character made up by people to please children during the holidays.
Dauntless: *climbs Christmas tree, breaks ornaments*
Amity: Oh look how pretty the lights are! Ooh, shiny wrapping paper!

8: Factions at the Pet Store:
Abnegation: Having pets is selfish. But I'll take care of the orphaned animals.
Candor: I love dogs, but cats suck because they leave hair everywhere and hack up hairballs!
Erudite: Pets are not logical. They are wasteful. Look at that dog pooping over there! And that poop is the wrong color. I think he's sick.
Dauntless: *drinks out of dog bowl and drags other Dauntless around on leashes*
Amity: Look at the pretty bunny! I want one!