Rant Time 3

A Message for Invalids

I wasn't quite sure what to title this. An invalid is someone who is weak from illness or injury or who has a "defect." It's not quite the word I'm looking for but it'll have to do.
My people--people who suffer or have suffered from mental illnesses or social disorders such as depression, anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, etc, sit your asses down and listen. We need to have a long, serious talk.
I'm not making light of anyone's situations or problems. If you can't do something, you can't do it. Everyone is different and I'm not going to tell them to suck it up and deal with it. I'm very understanding, but in general, there are things I have to say.
I have come to a conclusion about certain people who suffer from the illnesses and disorders as I do. I've noticed--and I don't wanna sound like I haven't done this, because I have--that some of us, especially the ones who have anxiety, sort of have an ideology that society must conform to our problems and cater to us every single time.
Alright, put your weapons down. I'm on your side, because I am one of you. But here's the thing. Sometimes people who suffer from these things expect to just drop everything and not have any consequences to face later on, or they want society to always tiptoe around them. And most importantly, the one thing I wanna talk about, is that they are extremely sensitive and get offended over everything.
I understand where they're coming from and why they are like this, because I was one. I expected to abandon my life and act as if it wouldn't affect me when I decided to pick back up. No can do. I suffered big time. I was depressed and suicidal and I just left everything, thinking that if I decided to continue, I could just pick back up where I left off.
Wrong. By the time I came around, a piece of my life and the world had flown by and I was lost. Now, I understand. When you're depressed, you don't wanna do anything and you're just lost. That was me. Several times over. But every time I came around, the world disappeared and everyone was moving on but I.
If you ever come out of a depression and you feel as if life isn't as it used to be, that's the sad reality of it all. Everything you feel is valid. There is no such thing as a wrong feeling, but if you see how everything has changed and you're suddenly lost and frustrated, I do have to tell you, as someone who's been in that same place, that it's just how it goes.
We all have to learn to deal with that and find away to move on, or the world will keep flying by and we will be stuck. Expect a change. It's like hibernation. You're away from the world for awhile and come out to see that the scenery has changed. I hated that feeling and I still get it from time to time, but sadly, that's just another part of depression we have to deal with.
This is in no way me telling you to "get over it." I'm not cruel. People tell me that all the time, and it hurts, because it's not easy. It's never been easy. Hello, I've lived a shit life. Where's the easy part?
As for the entire "expectations of society" goes, I want to say that this is not all people and I truly do feel for those who suffer from these things because I've been there.
What I mean is there are some people who expect society to conform and accommodate their issues. I used to be one of these, and that's why I'm telling you this and spreading the message. They want society to recognize that they have issues and can't do anything. Or they expect to get out of certain things that they have to do every single time.
Here's what I have to say.
I understand that we have panic attacks and we just plain can't do something and we have to back out. I've been there. It's happened several times. But I cannot do that every single time. Neither can you. There are some things that we have to do that may be difficult, but we have to power through.
I'm not special because I have problems. I'm different. That's all. I'm not going to sit here and back out of everything because of my problems. If I can do it, I should. If I can't, I can't. That's the main point here. I will not use my issues as a crutch for everything.
I had to leave school because of my problems and I hate it because I feel like I'm treated differently. People feel like they have to tiptoe around me and be careful or I'll snap. I hate that. I hate feeling like I'm special or a freak.
I hate people asking me "Are you still doing that homeschool thing." I just nod, completely ashamed.
What they do not know about me is that I'm like everyone else. Just another member of society who has some problems. I may not be able to do everything everyone else can, but I'm not going to let that stop me from doing what I have to do to be productive.
I still have homework, projects, power points, tests, and finals just as any other student. I don't push them away and say I can't do it because I have problems. Mental illnesses are not an excuse for everything in life just because you simply don't wanna do it.
I hate schoolwork, but guess what? It's a part of my life. There have been times where I'm just so depressed and I literally cannot do it because I can't even get out of bed. But I can't get out of everything. Eventually I have to stand up on my own two feet and say, "I have to do this. I can do this. I will do this."
And I move. Because that's how life is. It's shitty, I have problems that hinder me sometimes, I have to keep moving or else I will get nowhere.
Look at me. I'm not the best person and I still have a lot of growing to do, but I did what I had to to get here. I'm trying to graduate a year early, I'm learning to drive, I'm going to get my permit later on, and I've found a way to make things better for myself. I did not expect society to give it to me. I worked my ass off for years to get where I am. And I'm proud.
As people who've had it hard and know what it's like to feel lost and hopeless, we need to have tougher skin and the strength to power through. We're stronger than the others. We face shit everyday of our lives. We work mentally harder than anyone else. We have to find the strength to move when we think we are paralyzed for good.
We have to stand up and say, "I won't let this beat me. I will destroy it before it destroys me." We have it in us. Our problems will not always be there to catch us. They are our enemies that we keep too close. It may take time--god knows it did for me--but down the line, you will stand on your feet and break free of the chains. You will make it.
Life is not going to cater to us and hand us everything on a silver platter. I learned this the hard way. I learned that I'm not going to get what I want by expecting it to come to me without working for it.
You are tougher and braver than that. If you put your mind to it, you can do it. It's easy to say "I can't." And it's hard to say "I will." But is the easy way really the best way? No. Easy will get you nowhere. It is what you work your ass off for that gets you somewhere.
It is what you conquer that defines you. Only you can destroy your demons. No one can do it for you. And one day, you'll look those demons in the eyes and say, "You did not beat me." And you destroy them.
~
It's my birthday month!
I saw Finding Dory for the first time on Netflix. I loved it. It's awesome.
Birthday Countdown: 19 days.
~
Sierra 🌙