Rant Time 3

Discrimination Experience|Rant Time

I had my very first real, in-person discrimination experience today. I think it would hurt a lot less if it came from a stranger rather than someone who I considered a friend. I handled it pretty well but I'm in a very pissed off mood right now.

Honestly, I wish I could say it was from a stranger or someone I'd never see again, but it's not. It came from miss evangelist herself, Mika.

Apparently she has an issue with me being gay and an atheist. Oh, the horror! A young woman who knows her own thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and sexuality. A young woman who knows what she wants and who she is. That's unbelievable!

Now, Mika and I have had our faults. We're incredibly different. She grew up to be this kooky evangelist with strict rules and a Bible clamped to her chest. I was raised secular Catholic and am now atheist (duh, we've heard this story). She's straight as a board and made this. . .face when she found out I'm gay. I remember her saying, "Well, the Bible says. . ." and she trailed off when I gave her the look.

Mika is one of those crazy church women. I'm not sure what every single one of her beliefs are, but I really don't care. It's clear she has a problem with me. When I told her I'm atheist, she said, "Don't worry, I'll take you to church." I said, "Only if someone's dead. And even then, I'd have to give a shit first."

She said nothing.

It's been two months since that ordeal. It's now November and almost Thanksgiving. I invited Nita and Mika over since they don't go anywhere for Thanksgiving. I'd only asked Nita and was asking for the both of them, and she said yes, they'd come.

It's been a week and I'm trying to gather everything for the holidays. I already called my uncle to save us a fat turkey and need to take a trip down to the Kroger where he works to get the stuff. So that means filtering out the guests who are coming and who aren't, since there have been some. . .alterations in the family since last Thanksgiving.

I asked Nita this evening if they were coming. She looked at me like she was scared, and then said, "I'll most likely come, but Mika won't." I asked why. She said she couldn't say. Eventually I got her to speak up and she said that Mika was "uncomfortable" by the thought of coming to my house.

I was confused and asked why. I know I was nosy, but I needed to understand why she was uncomfortable with coming to my house when I've been to hers a handful of times. Nita said she couldn't say. That's not a proper answer, so I pressed further. I already had an idea lingering in my head.

For once I wish I wasn't right.

Nita said it's because of "religious issues." I already knew what that meant. The only "religious issues" I know of are that I'm an atheist and I'm gay. That's it. My mom stopped in her tracks and looked at Nita. She asked what she meant by that.

Nita said Mika didn't tell her what she was so uncomfortable with (which I believe) and that Mika abruptly ended the conversation like she didn't wanna talk about it. I'm surprised I didn't flip my shit. I didn't tear up or anything, but when I get really emotional or upset, I tremble. Like, shaking. I didn't cry or explode in anger. I was just trembling.

My mom was pissed. Nita tried to calm her down and told her not to get offended. My mom almost exploded and I swear I saw steam come out of her ears.

All I heard her say was, "It's hurtful because that's my kid and she's basically saying she doesn't wanna be around my family because of Sierra. That's not right. We still pray together at the dinner but just Sierra doesn't. It's basically saying that out of 25 people, she has a problem with just one. She's a lesbian and an atheist so Mika doesn't wanna be around her? That's wrong. I'm pissed."

It's sad to know that one person is me.

And for some reason, Mika was really short and passive with me today, like she didn't wanna talk to me.

I was surprised to see my mom defending me. I honestly thought she'd agree. Maybe this is my breakthrough. My mom finally sees me for who I am and is willing to defend me and my right to be my own fucking self without having to deal with Miss Bible Thumper. Weirdly, it warmed my cold little heart to see my mom getting flustered over someone discriminating against me. I think hearing my mom finally say, "She's a lesbian and an atheist" really made me feel accepted.

Nevertheless, I'm still upset about this entire thing. I don't get it. Why would someone not want to come to my house solely because of the fact that one of the residents is gay and an atheist? Does me being an atheist bring some sort of negative being into the house? Does me being gay automatically mean there's lesbian porno laying about the house and there's a huge sign out on the lawn saying "LESBIAN LIVES HERE"?

What am I really gonna do to someone? Nothing. I'm not asking her to have sex with me (not even in a million years), I'm not asking her to drop her religious beliefs, and I'm not asking her to change. I'm asking why the fuck does it fucking matter? Why does it matter who I love, who I have sex, what I believe, what I think, or what I say?

If she's seriously that concerned about someone else's life and their choices, she needs to reevaluate hers. If she fears someone or thinks someone is going to kill her or that their home is evil because they're gay or atheist, there's a problem.

I've been mature about this. I'm not going to flip out, but I'm very upset. I may need to confront her to get to the bottom of this. I don't want to rat Nita out and tell Mika she told me about this, so I'll just casually bring up Thanksgiving and go from there. I really want to know what the real issue is. It won't accomplish anything but it'll give me some closure and determine whether I should keep her on a friend level or strictly work. I don't particularly care for her as it is. She's on an extremely fine line.

I really don't wanna be her friend and my mom doesn't want to either.

I just don't think it's fair that I invite her to my home for Thanksgiving and she declines solely because I'm gay and atheist. At least Nita's coming. I'd rather deal with her. Nita said she'll leave Mika at home all by herself on Thanksgiving day, no family, no nothing.

This is the first act of discrimination against me, and for my mom to be angry, it's really bad. She repeated to Nita that she was very upset and doesn't appreciate Mika judging me and not wanting me around because of who I am as a person. Nita understood and I didn't know what to say.

And besides, who in the hell turns down free food and games? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I openly drink (mostly beer) and my mom allows it. Mika hates alcohol and hates seeing me drink, but I don't care. I make my own choices and accept the consequences of those choices. My life choices have no impact on her life and her opinions and beliefs are irrelevant to my life.

Trust me, if my girlfriend were here, Mika would be spending Thanksgiving in the fucking hospital. See what she's thankful for then.
~
Will update if I confront her and shit happens. I don't stand for this bullshit.
~
Sierra 🌙