Rant Time 3

Truth

I've never had to do this. Well, straightforward (no pun, you'll see in a minute), at least. We all know that I've been questioning my sexuality for awhile. Thought I was heterosexual (thanks, society), then bisexual because I was so on the fence and confused. I didn't want to say one thing and end up going for another like I have some serious commitment issues.

This year has been my year of enlightenment. I've found out several things about myself. I've done a 180 on the person people remembered me as. It only took a few months to finally get it right. Anyone who hasn't spoken to me this year at all, or even in the past few months, will look at me and probably be like "Who the fuck is this person?"

There's a reason I say sexual things and make a lot of LGBT edits and talk about it a lot. It's not just because it's fun and I get bored with myself. It's because I'm a lesbian. It took awhile to figure it out. But I did and I couldn't be happier.

The girl who had a crush on a guy is now a lesbian who would rather have an orgy with ten girls then ever touch a male with a ten-foot pole. I'm actually very embarrassed and hate myself for ever having a crush on that guy. Or a guy in general.

Guys repulse me. They make me shudder, and not in the good way. Let me put it this way. If I were playing a game of Spin the Bottle and it landed on a male, I'd take that bottle and break it over his head. But if it landed on a girl. . .I'd be so happy that I'd burst.

I think I've known about this for awhile but I was burying it down inside because I was afraid. Of what, I don't know. Almost everyone I know is straight. All I see is heterosexuals. It doesn't feel wrong, it just feels like I'm an outsider again.

I wasn't "afraid" of my mom, because she loves the LGBT community more than anything. I just was afraid what would happen if I ripped apart her fantasy of me marrying a guy (please, I'll be forever alone no matter what I like) and popping out kids. She knows damn well she's not getting grandkids.

So, I started dropping subtle hints to her. They got more obvious each time. I started by excessively talking about and praising lesbians. Then I got a rainbow pride blanket (she bought it for me since I didn't have my own bank account at the time, and she didn't bat an eye). Then I told her about the French lesbian movie/porno I watched (Blue is the Warmest Color). She finally caught on.

Just recently, she acknowledged that I'm, in fact, gay and she can stop dreaming. My cat is in her horny phase and was licking my (female) chihuahua. They both started licking each other, and my mom said, "Now I have two--no--THREE lesbians in this house." She looked at me and smiled.

I have an obsession with sexuality. I'll say lots of sexual things and put a lot of innuendos in what I say. I talk about being gay like it's the only thing that crosses my mind each day. It almost is.

One of coworkers, who's also my favorite, is bisexual and has a boyfriend. Just last night, after the kids fell asleep, we were playing Uno and got into the conversation of threesomes. She said she would be willing to have a threesome but it has to be with her boyfriend and another girl. And she said, and I quote, "My boyfriend asked if I'd eat her out. Hell yes I'd eat her out."

God, I love this woman and her sexuality. She always says crazy shit, and it makes me more comfortable with who I am.

Then she said, "But she has to take a bath before I eat her out. No smelly pussy."

I swear. I couldn't control myself. My stomach hurt because I was laughing too hard. I'd recommend a shower first too. And a shave. But that's just me. I'm very picky when I comes to. . .that. I don't have to have sex to have a preference.

I'm starting to become more comfortable and accept myself. I enjoy talking about being a lesbian, and sex (though it'll be a long time before I do it, if I even do it ever). My mom has stopped telling me to shut up about it. She knows I can't change, and I wouldn't even if I could.

I love who I am. I know there are people who won't like it, but they can fuck themselves.
They can piss right off. I don't know how I'd tell my family, if I ever tell them, but I don't care.

I wouldn't change this for the world. It took forever to come to terms with it. Now I'm happy with it.

So here we are. This is the truth. This is who I am. I'm not confused any more. I am a lesbian. And I'm fucking proud of it.
🏳️‍🌈
❤️💛💚💙💜

~
Sierra 🌙