Rant Time 3

Thanksgiving 2017|Rant Time

This is the final official rant in this book. One more chapter left!
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Well, yet another Thanksgiving has come and gone. It went about as expected: messy, chaotic, unplanned, and ridiculous.

It started at the ass crack of dawn, 7:30 am on Thanksgiving morning. I expected at least my mom to be awake, but no. I was wandering about my house at 7:30 while everyone was asleep and laying around like Plymouth Rock. The fucking bird was still sitting in the fridge crying for help.

I whipped up a quick batch of fudge and made my aunt get up to put the bird in the oven. I was taking videos and sending them to my girlfriend all day because she really wanted to see a real Thanksgiving. By the time the second video was sent, the Macy's Parade had started.

Mom finally looked alive at 10:30 and dropped the bomb on me that the arrival time for everyone was at noon. And I still needed a shower. I flipped out. I have no idea why, but from the moment I woke up, I had these jitters in my stomach like I was going on my first date or something. They only got worse when I realized I had to move my ass.

Mom decided she wanted to shower first. I about had a meltdown. The tables weren't set, my hair was still greasy, my fudge wasn't ready, and the smell of dead turkey made me ill. I had to haul ass. Mom got out of the shower, I got in, and had to dry my hair in half the time I usually take.

I was dressed and my teeth were brushed with five minutes to spare. Noon came around. . .nobody showed up. My uncle (oh yes, we cannot have one holiday where he's not a fuck-up) was supposed to be the first to show up, but we've heard this story three years in a row. Long story short, he was very late.

Nita was the first to get here. She had told us before that she was taking homemade pies over to people's houses and had to make an unexpected stop at the daycare to get a foldable table since Mika had so rightfully used the one at their house for her Thanksgiving, so we expected her to be late.

She was wowed by our house and I was wowed by the fact that she actually brought Jolly Ranchers to make the drinks (even a virgin drink is really good, just ice and Jolly Ranchers blended up together).

And finally, at two fucking pm, my uncle and his wife and their three financial burdens showed up. I see they finally brought our ice chest/drink cooler back, three months later. I love the fact that they ignored me when I wished their ungrateful selves a happy Thanksgiving. I really should have "accidentally" tripped them. Oops. Maybe you'll speak up next time.

Now, I don't advocate for underage drinking, nor do I go crazy myself, but I'd already cracked open a beer. And of course my uncle's wife caught sight of my bottle and said, "We've got ourselves a little alcoholic."

Uh, it was my first and only beer of the day. And I'm nowhere near an alcoholic. I don't spend my days drinking or use it to numb pain or whatever. Maybe she said it jokingly, but honestly, I didn't give two shits. I just curled up on the couch with Nita and watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and chilled out.

Meanwhile, my cousins raided my goddamn pantry and fridge for anything they could get their hands on. They ate everything except the food I'd prepared by hand and set out for them. They did not ask if they could take expensive packs of cookies from my pantry, nor did their parents care when they saw them getting into all my shit.

It was fully expected of them, and I should have known better, but I was too tired and hazy to fight about it. I'll just take it out of their Christmas presents.

I went back up to the kitchen with Nita to get myself a JR drink. My cousin (with the tiny dick) has been crushing on that girl. Come to find out she's gay, and of course his mom is hoping she "changes her mind."

Eye twitch.

My cousin even went to her house and her parents let him. Maybe they're secure by the fact that she's gay, but he's not. He's a creep. Who knows what could've happened.

Everyone just had to see what she looked like and were all rating her. I was tipsy and told him to show me a picture of her, saying I'd be the judge of that and to always ask the lesbian first. She was alright. Mine is so much cuter.

Three came around. My friend's family hadn't shown up. The food was getting cold, so we all decided to just have a seat and eat without them. It was pretty shitty. Just as my uncle opened his mouth to begin the prayer, friend decided his family wanted to come at that very moment.

We let them in, gross hugs and kisses, hello, now have a fucking seat and shut up. At this point I was rocking back and forth and sucking down the drink while my uncle was saying the prayer. I honestly cannot remember anything from the actual dinner. I saw some people giving me the side-eye when they realized I didn't have my head bowed and was clutching my cup for dear life. After that, it was hazy.

I know damn well Nita was taking videos of me rocking back and forth and laughing like a maniac. When I sobered up, she showed me the video and is going to show everyone on Monday. I was so goddamn embarrassed. I've never been like that before.

At least I can't remember the shit dinner. Or most of the shit holiday.

My friend's family left and surprise surprise, guess who's suddenly coming to dinner. Z. And her newborn grandson. Shoot me in the skull. It cried. And cried. And everyone passed him around like a beer or a blunt. It finally got to me and I felt obligated to hold him, so I held him on my lap for a minute and passed him back when he started drooling.

Friend's aunt and her family showed up around six. She also has a new baby, but he was a lot more pleasant and cute. Z packed up her drool matching and left, thank fuck. I don't think I spoke to her at all. If I did, it was probably something that didn't make sense.

My uncle and his greedy assholes decided it was time to leave (of course) and packed up a lot of our leftovers. His wife took half my apple pie and an unopened box of croissants. They left us with four pieces of ham and the rest of the shitty food that was cold. I was stupid thinking that they would thank us, but no. All they said as they left was "see you at Christmas."

Well, fuck you and your goddamn bad emo haircut.

Nita was so shocked at how they acted. She called them fools (to me) when they took all the food. And she laughed when I flipped them off. I gave her all the fudge to thank her for tolerating this shitshow.

It was uneventful after that. We talked, and then Nita left. She thanked us for a nice evening (what) and said she'd come back. We got stuck with the table but I can deal with that later.

I sent my girlfriend videos of the day and even she said she would not want to be there. I can't blame her, really. It was hell. It was too chaotic and unorganized thanks to some people.

We made it through without a fight. I got sent outside by my mom when she saw I had sucked the cup dry. Of course my uncle's wife was out there smoking a cigarette, but I seriously did not wanna deal with it. I didn't argue or anything. I was a reserved and polite little princess. But I won't have much to drink on Christmas. That will be another story. *wink*

I hope you had a nicer Thanksgiving than I did. What I'm thankful this year is my wonderful girlfriend who puts up with my shit, and a mom who pisses me off but makes me stronger.

That is all I'm thankful for.
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Well, this is it. This is the final rant in this book. Rant Time 4, here we come!
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Sierra 🌙