Rant Time 3

Factions {Part 2}

I seriously have no life if I had time to do another one of these.
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Factions at the Bar:
Abnegation: *doesn't go in because drinking is selfish* *waits outside to drive drunk friends home*
Candor: Ew, this isn't the good beer I have at home. Can I have a refund?
Erudite: *is too busy calculating how many calories are in a single shot of vodka*
Dauntless: *drunk in five minutes, yelling across the bar, still tries to drive self home*
Amity: *takes shots of peace serum instead*

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Factions Meeting Divergent Fans:
Abnegation: It's so nice to meet you. Can I offer you anything to drink? Can I take your coat?
Candor: Oh my god, they're fucking crazy. Don't come near me!
Erudite: *was the person who invented a time machine to get the fans there*
Dauntless: So you people live in a shitty world? Cool! I'll gather up all my friends and we'll kick their asses!
Amity: *going up to everyone* You're so pretty. Are you happy to be here? Say yes! Please!

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Factions at a Wedding:
Abnegation: *does all the planning, marries the couple*
Candor: A plain white dress?! Doesn't she know how dirty that gets?! And she shouldn't wear white! It makes her look fat!
Erudite: *creates invitations and accurate seating*
Dauntless: *shows up late, sticks hand in cake, drunkenly calls the bride a whore during the wedding toast*
Amity: Everything is so pretty! And cake! I love cake!

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Factions Eating Cookies:
Abnegation: *doesn't eat any because it's selfish*
Candor: *eats Oreos only because they match their clothes, still complains that they're fattening*
Erudite: These cookies have no adequate nutrition. It's all sugar. I'm not eating any of it.
Dauntless: *eats twenty cookies, regrets it later*
Amity: *makes own cookies, puts peace serum inside it*

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Factions Babysitting:
Abnegation: *cares for all the babies and children, doesn't expect pay in return*
Candor: These kids are so loud and annoying! They all smell like snot, too! Ew!
Erudite: Come on, kids! We're going to learn the alphabet and count to one hundred. Ready, go!
Dauntless: *plays outside with kids, loses some* *forgets babies inside, lets them cry*
Amity: I love babies and kids! They're so pure and innocent! They're fun to be around!

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Factions at the Park:
Abnegation: *carefully monitors children, acts as first aid for them*
Candor: It's too hot out here and it's boring.
Erudite: *starts a reading group under a tree* Does anyone know what War and Peace is?
Dauntless: *gets called a pedophile for playing on equipment and being near children*
Amity: *chases butterflies*

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Factions as New Parents:
Abnegation: *spends all night caring for baby, can't stay awake next day*
Candor: I'm not letting that ugly thing suck on my tits. Gross.
Erudite: *reads book on how to boost your baby's IQ*
Dauntless: *gets frustrated two weeks in, leaves baby on stranger's doorstep*
Amity: *coos over baby* You're so cute! You have cute chubby cheeks! When are you old enough to eat bread?

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Factions on Summer Vacation:
Abnegation: *carries everyone's bags, is responsible for looking after everyone*
Candor: It's so hot and I lost my sunscreen! This sucks!
Erudite: *is the driver because no one else is smart enough to know the way without a map*
Dauntless: *tasting the sunscreen they stole from Candor* *blasting music and annoying people*
Amity: The sun is out! Are we going to the beach?! I wanna build a sandcastle!

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Factions Watching a Scary Movie:
Abnegation: *doesn't watch it because it's selfish*
Candor: This movie is so cliche! The killer is standing right behind you, you stupid fuck!
Erudite: *counts down the time until the shitty movie is over*
Dauntless: *yelling at the screen* KILL THE STUPID BITCH! KILL HER! YEAH, LOOK AT ALL THE BLOOD!
Amity: *crying and hiding face in hands because they're terrified*

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Factions at a Funeral:
Abnegation: I'm so sorry for your loss. Is there anything I can do for you?
Candor: *has to hold their tongue to avoid saying bad things about the deceased*
Erudite: What was the cause of the death? Are you sure it wasn't murder?
Dauntless: *doesn't even show up*
Amity: *weeping, eating stale bread to calm themselves down*

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Factions at the Hospital:
Abnegation: *volunteers to help*
Candor: This place is gross. Sick people everywhere. Ew.
Erudite: *is a doctor/nurse*
Dauntless: So where's the morgue at? I wanna see a dead body.
Amity: I'm visiting my sick uncle. The doctors said I'm not allowed to give him the peace serum by injection, so I put it in the cookies instead. It's better than those unnatural chemicals.

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Factions with Hated Family Members:
Abnegation: *secretly despises them but realizes it's selfish*
Candor: I hate you. You're a stupid cunt who should get fucked in the ass by Satan. Die, bitch!
Erudite: I would hate you, but I realize you have no logic, and there's no point in arguing with stupid.
Dauntless: Can I shoot you in the head?
Amity: I can't hate anyone! That's so mean! We should love each other!
Dauntless/Candor: Fuck you, Amity.
~
So my bitch anti-vaxxer cousin is pregnant with her second child, and her first child has serious health issues, probably from not being vaccinated. I hate her for more reasons than choosing not to vaccinate. I weep for her children. She needs to have her uterus ripped out.
~
Sierra 🌙