She wants to escape it all. She runs from it. She gets a chance to leave it all behind. And she does, without thinking twice.
Gabrielle leaves France, her home country, when she finds an offer to babysit in London. She doesn't have a lot of ex...
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There are moments in my life when I get so scared about simple things that I feel my heart jump in my throat and my body freeze. I literally feel my head spin. It's the worst feeling because it feels like I'm having an 'out of body' experience. It's like I'm not myself anymore, like I basically left my body and I just can't do anything.
One of the things is a question like this.
What happened to you? What are you hiding?
That's something I'm incapable of answering. It was always easier when people just assumed things and I didn't have to explain anything because no matter what I said, they wouldn't change their opinion anyways.
But now ... I'm creating a new life for me here. And I decide what people will know about me and how much. They'll have to listen to my story and what I have to say because they don't know anything about me.
I kind of like that. They not knowing about me. It feels so good to just walk around and not stare at the judging eyes, seeing fingers pointing at you and hearing whispers.
This is what I dreamed of.
I'm not ready to tell someone about it. And Alexander is the last person who I'd tell anything about my past. He's not someone I can trust.
''What makes you think you're the one I'll tell anything?'' I challenge Alexander with fake confidence.
Honestly, him reminding me of the secrets I have threw me off guard. I don't know when or if there will ever be a time that I don't panic at this question. I wonder if I'll someday be able to tell my story, speak loud about it and have people actually listen to me.
I wonder if I'll ever not get judged.
Alexander shrugs. ''I don't. But if you wanna talk about secrets, we can start with you.'' He points his hand towards me. ''I can wait.''
The bile in my throat rises higher. I have to look away from him and take some deep breaths of fresh air to somehow clear my mind. I look at all the lights on the street, focus on the barking of dogs and the sound of cars driving somewhere in distance.
''You'll be waiting for a long time, then,'' I say calmly, my voice vain of any emotions, the only thing giving me away that I'm not as relaxed as I look is the tight squeezing of my hands into fists.
Alexander merely cocks his head to the side, looking interested all of a sudden. He takes out a packet of cigarettes and lights one up, taking his time.
I sit back down on the roof and exhale out a warm breath into the cold night air.
I think Alexander will leave because he's probably fed up with me by now and doesn't want to deal with me anymore. But he sits down by me. I look at him sideways.
''How can you expect us to trust you if you don't trust us, Little one?'' Alexander questions. His voice is calm now and ... soft.
I turn my head to look at him. Is he actually ... being nice? Well, his question isn't something I could answer easily.
