This heart will start a riot in me

Chapter 22

1 week later

" I don't think I can do this " I said to Taylor as we stood next to the car that was carrying our daughters coffin.

" Hayles look at me." Taylor said as he tipped my head up to look at him " me, jerm and kat are gonna be by your side the whole time. its gonna be ok we have to say our final good byes to our baby girl " he said

" But I don't want to say our final good byes. I don't want her gone 6 feet under ground. I want her to be alive and still inside me " I said as tears rolled down my cheeks.

Taylor wiped then away with his thumb " I don't want this to be our final goodbye either but it has to be hayles. it doesn't mean she's gone forever, you can go to her grave once a week or as much as you like. you may not have her in your arms but you will always have her in your heart " he said

" I know but it's not the same t, our baby girls gone and we didn't even get to meet her " I said

" I know babe but we have to do this for her even if it hurts us "

I nodded my head and then walked over to kat. she took my hand and we walked into the church. Taylor was carrying angels coffin in so he wasn't with me this now. Me and kat sat next to Jeremy at the front. you know the only people from my family who came was Erica, my gran, my dad and my grandpa. my mom didn't even bother to show her face at her own granddaughters funeral.

My dad sat behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. I took one of his hands and held it. The music started and Taylor started to walk in with angels coffin. a couple of tears rolled down my cheeks as I watched Taylor walk with ours daughters coffin.

I could see how much he wanted to cry but he kept his tears in as he continued to walk down holding the white coffin which lay our baby girl. my dad squeezed my hand telling me that he was there.

I watched as Taylor placed the tiny coffin on it's stand and then walked over to me and sat down. he put his hand on my knee and squeezed it.

****

It came to the time when I had to stand up and speak. After crying for nearly the whole ceremony I was pretty weak.

" Hayles it's you turn to speak." Erica said

" Will you come up with me ?" I asked.

She nodded her head and took my hand. we both walked up to the stand.

" I never got to meet my baby girl properly but when I held her in my arms it was a moment I'll never forget. I looked down at a little girl who was inside me for 6 months and I didn't even know about her now that I do I want her more than anything. I always told myself I didn't want kids but when I found out that I was pregnant but I lost her I felt like a massive piece of my heart got ripped out. She's a special little girl and she will always be in my heart. " I wiped away a couple of tears that rolled down my cheeks. I was still hold on to Erica's hand not letting her go " I wasn't the one to have kids you know when your in the music business you don't really have time to think about settling down and having a family but if I found out I was pregnant sooner I would have gave it all up I would have gave my dream up so I could watch my little girl grow up to be a amazing mom herself one day. Now I can't and I would do anything to get her back but the truth is I can't. you know I wanted this all to be a nightmare but it's reality and my little girls gone forever " I said and then turned around to Erica who pulled me into a hug.

I broke the hug and took her hand again and we walked back down to our seats. Taylor pulled me close and I lay my head on his chest as tears rolled down my cheeks.