This heart will start a riot in me

Chapter 37

Btw I changed the baby to a girl lol

I looked down at my baby bump. I wanted to live obviously but what if this 'cure' harmed my baby girl. What if it didn't even work.

" What about the baby " Taylor asked

'' Your baby won't be affected in the slightest way. it's a clinical trial that many people have done some of which are pregnant. If you do decide to do it we will wait till the baby's born since you only have a month left. the only thing is you will have to travel to California. " doctor mc'taggert said

" does it work or is it only a 50/50 chance that it will ?" i asked looking at him

" 50/50 " he said

" I'm not doing it, I'm not building everybodies hopes up that I'm going to survive when really I could end up dead anyway no way " I said

" Hayley you've got a chance to live take it " Taylor said

" No Taylor I'm not going to take it. I'm not going to build my hopes up thinking I'm going to survive when I might not. I've excepted that im dying, I'm not going to go through it all again when the stupid clinical trial doesn't work. I'm not doing it end of " I said before storming out the room.

I wasn't going to put different drugs in my body that might not even work. I've already excepted the fact that I'm dying, I've said my good byes and I've spent time with all my family well not all since my mom still doesn't want want anything to do with me.

Even a year later she's still mad at what I done to chad. she doesn't even care that dying as far as she's concerned I could be dead tomorrow and she wouldn't give a toss.

" Hayley what are you doing you have a chance to live why are you not taking it " Taylor said behind me once I reached the car.

I turned around and looked at him. " because I'm not putting different drugs in my body that might not even work, I'm not going to get my sister hopes up that I'll live just to tell them I'm still dying. you have no idea how hard it was to say good bye to everyone, to watch as my sisters broke down before me. I'm not doing it because I've accepted that I'm dying and I'm not about to relive getting told I'm dying again " I said

" What if it does work, you'll get to see our baby grow up, you'll get to see your sisters and bliss grow up. most of all you'll get to live your life " Taylor said

" don't you think I know that, I want to watch them all grow up but I can't because I'm dying " I half shouted as tears ran down my cheeks

" But you can live if you try the trial " Taylor said

" But if it doesn't work I'll still be dying" I said

" At least try it hayley. " Taylor said

" I said no alright stop trying to change my mind. I'm dying and there's nothing we can do about it " I shouted

" Yet there is something you can do about it. you can try the trial but your to scared to do it so your making everyone around you even more upset than they already where " Taylor shouted

" You know what stuff you Taylor. " I said before storming away

" Where are you going " Taylor shouted behind me

" Away from you " I shouted back.

" Hayley " Taylor shouted but I just ignored him and kept walking.

****

I found myself sitting in a cafe. I sipped on my hot chocolate getting lost in my thoughts.

Was I selfish for not doing the trial ?

That's all that seemed to go around my head. was i though ?. I wasn't thinking about anyone else but myself. I had a chance to get better and I wasn't taking it. I was going to leave my baby without a mom, my husband without a wife and my sisters without a big sister.

I don't think I can get told I'm dying again. I can't go through all the goodbyes, I can't watch my sisters breakdown in front of me. I can't go through all the stuff I went through last year.i can't put my sisters back through it.

I'm dying and I'm not even doing anything about it