This heart will start a riot in me

Chapter 24

I woke up the next day. last night I got 4 hours sleep which was a big step from only having a hour or two. I was still tired but I had to get up since we have a band practice.

I walked over to my closet and brought out a pair of sweat pants and a shirt. I walked Into the bathroom and quickly got washed and dressed. when I went back In to the room Taylor was awake.

" Morning baby, how are you feeling today ?" He asked as I walked over it my drawers

" You know just the same but I'm getting there " I said as I brought my straighteners out

" I know, it's gonna take time " he said as he got up and walked over to my closet and brought some clothes out. he then vanished into the bathroom.

****

I stood at the microphone stand setting it up as everyone else rushed about getting everything ready to start practicing. the crew where getting all the staging set up, Taylor and Jeremy where tuning their guitars and Justin was setting up his mic up up the back getting ready to sing the echoes of the songs.

About 10 minuets later we where ready to start practicing. we started with grow up standing up the back. I started to sing as the guys played their guitars. I really missed doing our shows. after everything that's happened the last couple of weeks it feels like music was my only escape from reality. music is my life, it's the only thing that ever supported me when know one else did, it was the only thing that got me through some of the toughest things that have happened in my life so far. music isn't just a group of instruments playing together. it's more than that. If you listen close to the lyrics you'll find out that it's got meaning behind it. it may be about someone's life so far or just what happens in everyday life but my point it's there'll never be a day music won't support you.

****

After practice we all just went home. Taylor went back to his so I was alone in my house lost in my own thoughts. something that I have been dreading for the last week and a half. Taylor has been with me since we lost our baby girl so I didn't really have time to be lost in my own thought because he was always there talking to me or just lying next to me.

Now I was alone in this stupid house that had no happiness to it and no life. it was dark and cold not the way it used to be. it used to be a happy house but that was when I was happy maybe it's not the house that's lifeless maybe it's just me.

I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes trying to block out everything around me but when I closed them all I could see was my baby girl. opening them back up I was faced to look at my lifeless house.

There was no lights on and I didn't have the heating on. it was freezing and dark but I didn't even care anymore, I was starting to hate this house. I don't know if it's the House or if it's me anymore.

The House is fine when Taylor's here but when he's gone it feels so lonely and lifeless. It made me feel so lonely that lonely that it hurt. I just wanted to take a blade to my wrist. For the last week and a half I've wanted to do it but I couldn't because Taylor was by my side. now he's not I have the chance to take some of the pain away.

I got up from the couch and ran up the stairs to the bathroom. I turned the light on and walked over to the cabinet that held different body washes and shampoos. I moved them out the way and picked up the small silver blade. the blade that I looked at for the past week. I wanted to take some of the pain away but most of all I wanted to take it all away and be with my baby girl.

I sat down on the edge of the bath and placed the blade over my wrist. I started to drag it across making a deep cut on my wrist. I done it a couple more times and then watched as the blood came out of the deep cuts. it took some of the pain away but what I wanted to do the most was take it all away so I began to cut more.

Hey guys, sorry for the short chapter. it's because I have to study for a stupid French test for tomorrow :( it goes towards my exams so I have to study, I don't know if I'll be updating tonight again or not. I might but that's if I get my studying down.

Any way my cousin has just started a fanfic and if use went and read it, it would be a big help. her usernames @hayleywilliams13 and the books called all I wanted was you. go check it out and vote,comment and follow her :)