Divergent High: Fire v Ice

Chapter 59: Energy is Neither Created Nor Destroyed

(Listen to song while reading :)  )

Eyes heavy, body heavy. The weight never left my chest, I could feel God coming for me, to take me home and away from here. I fought, I fought like there was no tomorow but there wasn't and there isn't.

My body seemed to be floating, maybe it was my soul leaving my body? Or maybe I was just in another sim. No, this wasn't a sim this was real. The last thing I remember is Jeanine shouting something, that's when everything disappeared, nothing went dark and I couldn't see the light. It was all just, gone.

Red and blue seem to be the only thing that appears, just colors no shapes no voices. Just red and blue, hot and cold, fire and ice.

Pressure is put on my back like I'm being pressed to a soft wall, am I dead? I think so. But how can death be this nothingness? This bliss? Sounds soon appear in and out, a soft hum went in and out, almost reminding me of a dying siren.

Soon I seem to feel my chest fill, I didn't even know I had a chest, or a body at this point, I thought I was gone. But the feeling is very evident as suddenly an electric current courses through both sides of my chest.

"Clear!" an unrecognizable voice shouts and that's when I realize I'm still here. I'm still alive.

My eyes open and hovering over me are two paramedics, one with a defibrillator in his hands. My chest is hot, hotter than it's ever been and my eyes travel down to see two rectangular burns from the defibrillation that brought me back to life.

In that sudden moment everything was there, everything was clear, almost like I could see the irises of the paramedics' eyes, the electricity running through the defibrillator, and I could hear my own heart beat. Then everything blurred and fell from my vision in less than a second, like I fell into a black hole I could feel myself falling, faster and faster in a never ending pit.

The nothingness returned and the bliss came unwelcomed. I was floating once more and I could feel all of the energy in me, pushing my soul out of my body and upwards. In that moment I was reminded energy is neither created nor destroyed but transferred, I could feel my soul's energy being transferred, transferred from my body to the sky.

I wanted to hold it, I wanted to keep it here hold it in this body. I didn't know whether or not this bliss was worth it, how long would I have to wait in it until I finally returned? If I did return. What if I stayed in this nothingness forever? Just the thought had me longing for what's beyond. What's beyond my old body and my old mind, maybe in the Beyond I'll see the others. Four, Amar, Tori, and everyone else. One day when I'm in the Beyond they'll be with me too, I just don't know if I want to be there first, to be there with all of my ancestors, my grandfather, some of my old friends, Edward.

Edward. He was in the Beyond, I almost wanted to go just to keep him company, I would tell him Myra got out. I don't know if she did or not but I guess once I get there I'll find out. I felt ready to meet my Maker. I've seen enough death for a lifetime, I guess I've killed enough for a lifetime. But have I done enough? Have I saved enough? I can hear my mother's voice, telling me it would be selfish to leave. It would be though wouldn't it? To leave the world such a mess without at least trying to fix it.

"Tris," the words seem to fill the empty space around me, waking me up from my daze, "I'm sorry, I failed you. I've failed you again. I can't protect you, I don't know what I was thinking I can't protect anyone."

"I already lost my baby, I can't loose you too."  

"Wake the hell up or I swear I'll wake you up myself."   

"I'm leaving Tris, but how can I leave you like this?" 

"Please, I can't live without you, you're my best friend, I just can't."

"You saved so many people, please, save yourself."

"You're a hero, you're my hero. So please, get up!"

"He's dying without you Tris, come back and bring him back to life."

"Tris if you can here me, please, please, there are so many people here for you, just wake up."

"I don't know how to smile anymore, not when I know you're here."

"Please open your eyes, show me your amazing eyes. Please smile and show me your pearly white teeth. Please say my name, it sounds like a song coming from you. Please laugh it sounds better than all the orchestras in the world. Please Tiny, wake up, wake up so you can come home."

Something in me changes. Something in me clicks. My brain seems to switch gears and instead of basking in my own oblivion I feel myself pushing, pushing back. I didn't know if I was going up or down but I felt myself going back. I don't  know how but I was flying once more, pushing and pulling.

"I know you're in there!"

A choice becomes a sacrifice. A sacrifice becomes a loss. A loss becomes a burden. A burden becomes a battle. One choice can destroy you. - Amar

One choice can transform you. One choice can destroy you. One choice will define you. -Tori

We have a war inside of us, sometimes it keeps us alive and sometimes it threatens to destroy us. - Amar

Face your worst fears and conquer them. - Tori

Be brave. -Tobias.

Honesty. Selflessness. Intelligence. Kindness. Bravery.

That is what I live for, and I believe I haven't lived for enough, not yet.

And in that moment everything became clear and I saw him.