Crush imagines

Mental breakdown

Beware! This imagine is for mature people. It contains blood and cutting. If you are uncomfortable with these kinds of things, please do not read. I warned you, but it isn't that bloody. Just read at your own risks! The girl is depressed, but I didn't want to write why just in case someone was going to judge her. 

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Weak.
You didn't realize you grabbed the vase, containing your favorite flowers slowly blooming, near you until you heard it smash against the wall and shatter into pieces. You looked at the broken pieces as if reflecting your life based on those.
You stared blankly at the mess you did. Disgusting.
You're disgusting.
You shook your head furiously, trying to shut out the voices in your head mocking you. You clutched your head hard enough and dropped down on the floor. You were crying and sobbing hysterically one would think you've gone mad.
Even with the music booming louder than expected in the room, or the number of cups of tea you drank, or even the cool breeze coming from the window trying to soothe you down, you couldn't relax. You couldn't ignore those voices.
You think you're strong enough, huh? Wrong.
You stood up and ran for your bedroom, slamming the door shut behind you. You leaned your back against the door and slid to the ground. You wrapped your arms around your legs and kept sobbing without end.
Pathetic.
Nobody knew of your state. You didn't want them to. You didn't want them to judge you and look down on you. That was the worst thing. Your family wasn't helping you, your friends weren't helping either, and your lover...
You stood up and brushed the dust away from your pants and walked to the kitchen. For days and weeks, you've been brushing off that conclusion. You didn't want to end it this way but-
Oh, so now we're acting smart?
You glanced at the knife resting on the counter, waiting for someone to take a hold of it, waiting to cut something.
You stepped back, trying to let yourself think that this wasn't the right thing to do. It wasn't at all. Surely, there were millions of other ways to make you stop feeling like a-
You know you want to, sweetie. After all, who else would help you? You're just a humiliation. Why would someone stick up for you? Look at you. The only reason why you're still alive is that because they pity you.You hesitantly stepped forward. Slowly and steady. Your eyes were glued on the blade.
That's it...
You couldn't even hear the music booming in your ears. It felt like it was only you and the knife, patiently waiting for you. Silence greeted you and you kept going.
You took a hold of the knife and carefully placed the edge of it on your wrist. The cool metal touching you gave you a shivering feeling. How shiny it was when it was pressed on you. You wonder how it would feel if you pressed harder?
Come on, Y/N. Join us. No one else wants you in this world, anyway.
Was death calling out for you? You hesitated.
You ugly slug, what are you waiting for?
You shook your head, trying to shake off whatever was bugging you off. Just this once, you wanted to experience something new... and maybe your last experience you would ever get.
Slide it across your wrist, Y/N.
"I'm back!"
You started to press harder, wincing at the burning sensation. Red was streaming down your arm, and drops of it were hitting the floor.
A bit more.
"Y/N?"
You knitted your eyebrows together, starting to get confused. You were alone. The music was screaming everywhere and yet you heard something or someone. Was someone calling for you...?
COME ON!
There was no way. You were alone. Nobody would come and save you now that you're doing-
"Y/N!"
You flinched and snapped back to reality when you heard a loud bang hitting the floor. You immediately dropped the knife you held in your hands and turned around.
You froze when you saw C/N, your lover, standing at the doorframe, eyes wide opened. «Shock» was the only word in mind when you saw his expression. You glanced at his suitcase on the floor and back at him.
His eyes. They showed so many emotions all at once. Confusion, shock, betrayal and... sadness. He looked at how messy you were, to your red eyes, to the knife, and to the blood dripping out of your opened wrist.You opened your mouth to say something, but couldn't find your voice to do so. Instead, your eyes became blurry as you were about to cry. Tears were pouring and you started to cry and break down on the floor.
He immediately rushed to your side and wrapped his arms around you, holding you protected. He buried his head in the crook of your neck and you felt his breath shaking on your neck.
He then proceeded to take you in his arms and walk to the bathroom, opening it with his foot. You tried to make him look at you but he avoided your gaze each time.
Of course, he would be disgusted, you thought.
He grabbed a box of Aid-Kit and sat you on the edge of the bathtub. He looked at your wrists and you saw hurt flashed in his eyes. He took a damp towel, hesitated, and pressed it against your wound. You winced, but he didn't look at you and ask if you were okay like you expected him to be. Instead, he just tightened his grip on your arm but gently, like he was holding himself back.
You would constantly mutter some "I'm sorry", but he would shake his head every time.
He wrapped bandages around your wrist and after he was done with putting them, you kissed your wrist like it would magically heal. Afterward, he grabbed your hand and led you to the bedroom and laid you down there.
He tucked you in bed and kissed the top of your head. You didn't say anything as well as he. Total silence.
"Aren't you going to ask why?"
"I would know by now why you would do that," he immediately replied, sitting beside you on the edge of the bed. He rested his elbows on his knees and looked down on the floor.
"I'm sorry..." You whispered, and the tears were coming back up.
"You didn't do anything wrong. I partly blame myself for not noticing anything from the beginning..." He said and turned his head to you.
And you saw the tears appearing."Years I've known you and it's now that I realize that you were tearing yourself apart. Why did I never... What the f*ck is wrong with me. I told you I would always be there for you and here you were on the verge of death without me by your side. Even though a part of me wants to blame you for doing this to yourself, the other part tells me why I didn't do enough for you. Am I not enough?"
"No! It's not that at all!" You tried to sit up but the pain in your wrist made you groan and C/N quickly gently pushed you back in bed. He cupped your face in his hands as you two stared at each other. "It's just... It's complicated and I don't have much energy to spill everything now, as you can see... But I want you to know that you were more than enough for me, C/N."
He nodded, breathing shakily. He leaned forward and pressed his warm lips on yours before pulling back. He sat beside you and held your hand firmly in his as you were falling asleep.
As your eyelids were starting to close for a while, you noticed that he was now looking at you, eyes soft and holding a soothing gaze that made you smile a bit. You never noticed until now that he was your guardian.
When you finally slept, he closed his eyes and gently tightened his grip on your hand.
"I love you..." He whispered and pulled away.
He stood up and looked at your peaceful form and sighed deeply. "What a bastard I am," he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
He walked towards the kitchen first to clean memories he wished would never happen again.