Adopted By Lin-Manuel Miranda

the world turned upside down

I woke up with tears rolling down my face. Lin was sitting on the end of the bed, looking at me.
"Were you crying?" I wiped my eyes as Lin asked the question.
"No good morning?" I stall and pull my phone off the charger.
"Good morning. Were you crying?" He repeats, then takes my phone. "No phone until I get an answer." I roll my eyes.
"No? I guess? Yeah? I don't know, I woke up and I was crying." I shrug.
"I know. I've been sitting here for an hour, Vanessa had to leave 10 minutes ago for work, but she was worried, you've been really closed off lately." Lin says.
"I'm sorry, I've had really bad headaches." That's half the truth.
"Ok." Lin says handing me my phone, "Come eat, Anthony brought over donuts."
"Anthony's here?" I asked sitting up.
"Yeah, Jazzy had a meeting so he came to hang out for today." Lin shrugs, "You act like you haven't seen him in a year." He jokes and I laugh.
"Ok I'm going to eat." I'm still wearing my shorts and the Kings College sweatshirt thing. Still don't know where it came from but oh well. 
"K." Lin kisses my forehead, and follows me out of the door.
"Hey Bails." Anthony smiles, "Donut?" I nod.
"What are are there?" I ask and he doesn't answer me but hands me three boxes. 2 dozen donuts, and 1 box of donut holes, for 5 people. What you doing Ant? I take a blueberry donut out of one of the boxes and set them all down. There's only 7 donuts gone, so I'm assuming that we'll have a lot of extra for the next like, three days.
I sit at the kitchen table quietly and watch as Anthony plays with Sebastian. I smile a little and take a bite of my donut. Anthony throws Sebastian onto the couch gently, they both laugh loudly, causing Lin and I to laugh.
"You okay kiddo? Usually you'd be over here playing with us." Anthony points out and Lin gives me kind of a 'that's what I wanna know too' look and I shrug.
"I'm okay. Just a little stressed that's all." Lin bites his lip.
"Wanna talk about it?" Anthony speaks up after a minute of silence.
"I'm good." I shrug again.
"Come here." Anthony walks towards the hall and motions for me to follow.
"I said I'm okay." I insist but Anthony's not having that. He walks over, picks me up bridal style, carries me to my room, and throws me on the bed. "What's wrong."
"Did Lin send you?" I asked, ignoring what he said.
"No. I've barely talked to him today, I got here when Vanessa was leaving and Lin was with you, I've been with Seb for the entire 45 minutes I've been here." Anthony insists.
"I told you I'm fine, stressed and scared but fine." I lay on my back and wait for him to talk.
"You didn't say scared earlier. What are you scared of." Anthony sits next to me.
"I'm scared of a lot of things, dying for one." Anthony rolls his eyes. "What? I'm very afraid of dying. Ok, ok, fine. I'm scared of losing you guys. Lin, Vanessa, Sebastian, You, Jasmine. I don't like losing people."
"I don't want to lose you either." Anthony says, "But you'll always have someone, Lin, V, Seb, Me, Jazz, Jon, Leslie, Pippa, Renee. You'll always have someone." He promises.
"Will I?" I argue, "Connor has barely talked to me since he left."
"Is that what this is about?" Anthony asked and I nod. "Kiddo." Anthony pulls me close to him, we stay in a hug for a hug for a few minute, Anthony didn't let go even when I tried.  "I've got you. Lin's got you. Vanessa's got you."
"I know, this is dumb, I'm annoying I'm sorry" I scoot out of his arms and wipe a tear I didn't realize was falling.
"You're not annoying." He insist. I roll my eyes.
"Okay, can we not tell Lin."
"Maybe." Anthony says after a minute, "Lets go." Anthony and I stand up, and I follow him out my bed room door. I don't know what Lin said or did but Anthony shook his head no.
"Good morning Sebastian." I smile and pick him up.
"Hi." He laughs as I walk him to the couch.
"What do you want to watch?" I hand Sebastian the remote, hoping he knows how to use it because I don't.
"This one!" Sebastian yells excitedly and presses some button. Chuggington, what did I expect. I ignore the show and just watch Sebastian.
He's holding my hand, still sitting on my lap as he watched the show, he's very focused. Sebastian is still wearing pajamas, train shorts and a black t shirt. His black hair is all messed up. I run my hand through Sebastian's hair, trying to smooth it out. My hair is not any better though. Two messy braids that I put in at like midnight. And it's 10 now. I'm always tired but I can never sleep.
"Bailey." Lin whispers and I look up at him. "Look down." I look at him confused, then look down. My heart melted. Sebastian fell back asleep laying on my chest.
"Yeah." I whisper and look down at Sebastian for a few more minutes. Then, I lightly pick him up and turn a little to my side, then pull Sebastian close to my chest, and fall asleep again.
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Sometimes I wonder if there is anyone who wants to meet me. Because I know I have people who I would die to meet