Writing On The Wall - Text Fic (Camren)

July 1

"Hey, Walz?" Dinah called out as she jogged towards the front entrance of the building where Lauren and Camila were walking out of on their way back to the moving truck. "Do you think we could maybe talk?"

"Maybe after we-"

Lauren could hear the hesitation in Camila's voice, but she knew that Dinah had been struggling all day, the awkwardness between her and Camila was evident to everyone who had been around. "Camz, it's cool," she interjected, placing a loving hand on Camila's arm. "There's only a few more boxes left and then we're done anyways, I got it and if I don't, I'll go break up Normani and Ally's argument on where they should put the TV and get one of them to help me. Go, chat, I'll be in our apartment when you're done," Lauren emphasized the word 'our' and smiled widely before pressing a kiss to Camila's cheek and heading back to the truck, making sure to give Dinah a quick nod for confidence as she left. 

"Wanna go sit over there?" Dinah asked, pointing to a small sitting area off the side of the apartment building. 

Camila shrugged and followed Dinah, sitting down on a bench as she allowed a thick haze of silence to settle between them, it was painful the distance they seemed to be sharing, even though they were mere inches apart and Camila let out a heavy sigh, "Cheechee, are we just gonna sit here or are you gonna talk to me, because-"

"Please don't kill yourself," Dinah blurted, her voice dripping with sad undertones as she turned and looked at Camila, two sets of brown eyes staring at one another. 

"Dinah, I-"

"I didn't know, Mila," Dinah held her stare, shaking her head as she felt the tears pricking at her eyes. "I didn't know you were.. I didn't think.. I just didn't know it was that bad and I feel like, like I'm the worst friend in the world. You were hurting, more than that you were suffering, like really fucking suffering and I had no idea," Dinah wiped furiously at her eyes, while Camila just bit her lip and kept her eyes trained on her best friend as she spoke. "I am not mad you're checking into the hospital, I'm mad that it got this far, I'm mad that it took me seeing you at the edge of a building ready to fucking jump for me to see how broken you were feeling, how completely and totally alone you were feeling. I'm your best friend, Camila. I should have known," Camila opened her mouth to reply, but Dinah just kept going, like word vomit, the guilt just poured out of her. "I should have been there, I should have made it known to you that I was there for you. I just, I should have done something, I should have been paying attention."

"Dinah, I-"

"I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at me, at myself because I should have known, I've known you for more than half my fucking life and I had no idea," Dinah whispered the last bit of her sentence, her eyes slamming shut. "I don't know what I would have done if you jumped and I just keep going back to how defeated you looked, how completely torn up you looked and I feel like I let you down." The sobs from Dinah were painful to hear, they were guttural and broken as Camila moved in to wrap her arms around her. "I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry."

They sat like that for a while, Dinah crying, Camila crying, the two of them tangled together on the bench and when she felt Dinah's tears calming, Camila chose to speak. "You didn't know, because I did everything I could not to show it, to hide it, from you and from Lauren, from-"

"I've kno-"

"I know, I know that you've known me longer, but Dinah," Camila said as she pulled back, a hand resting on the side of Dinah's face. "I didn't want you to know, I thought I had it under control, I didn't, I know that now. You don't need to apolo-"

"Yes, I-"

"No," Camila said firmly, a single shake of her head stressing what she was saying. "You don't need too apologize, I do." Dinah was about to protest, about to repeat everything she had said previously, but Camila held up a hand to stop her. "I should have come to you, I knew I could have, I was just scared. I almost did, a few times. I almost talked to Lauren a few times too, but you were the one I needed the most, I was just to stubborn, too hardheaded thinking the feeing would pass, that I didn't try hard enough," she let out a soft breath and leaned over, her forehead pressed against Dinah's as she whispered to her. "I didn't jump Dinah, I know that my saying that, doesn't take away from the fact that I almost did, but I didn't jump, I'm still here."