Writing On The Wall - Text Fic (Camren)

September 17

It had been one night and two full days since Camila said a single word to Lauren. She hadnt even looked at her, but she was still wearing her engagement ring and Lauren took that as a sign that things would be okay. She had tried to talk with Camila, though it was hard because Camila seemed to avoid their apartment at all costs at times that she knew Lauren would be there. When they did cross paths, Lauren would ask Camila how her day was going or if she wanted to take Fish for a walk or if Camila knew what time Fish's vet appointment was on Saturday, but she was always met with silence. She had left a single rose on the couch for Camila, right on top of her pillow with a note that said 'Please come back to bed,' but she found the rose discarded onto the coffee table the next morning, that night she tried a whole bouquet, but it was met with the same fate, Camila not bothering to put them in water.

Lauren felt like she was playing a game that she was never going to win and it made her heart ache every time her words were met with silence or she woke up in an empty bed. She had been through an entire pack of sticky notes, placing them around the apartment in various areas, reasons she loved Camila written on them, but every night when she came home from school, they were in the trash and Lauren didn't know what to do. She was running out of steam, living life like a zombie because she couldn't sleep.

She knew she fucked up. She knew it, but she didn't know how to fix it. She had asked Normani and Ally for advice, but they both said the same thing.

"Sorry, Laur. You gotta figure this one out on your own."

She had even swallowed her pride and tried to talk with Dinah, but she was met with a hard glare and gritted teeth and like Camila, she gave Lauren nothing but silence, though Lauren didn't blame her. She deserved it.

It was just after five when Camila came into the house on Wednesday night, dropping her bag next to the couch and beelining for the kitchen. Lauren had been sitting outside on the balcony, leaning against the railing and watching as Camila disappeared behind the wall of the kitchen and Lauren let out a sigh as she opened the balcony doors and made a similar path.

"I'm the worst," Lauren said announcing her presence. "I'm not good at this, at putting others before me. I've tried, but I keep messing it up. I don't deserve your forgiveness Camila, but I can't take the silence. It's killing me. I know it feels like every time we take a step forwards, we end up taking two steps back."

Camila's hand stilled at the sound of Lauren's voice, for about a half a second before she proceeded with opening the cupboard and pulling down a jar of peanut butter Lauren had made sure to pick up Monday after school.

"Do you really think I miss men? Do you really think I'm not satisfied with you? Because I am, satisfied that is, I don't need the toys, I just think they're fun, but it has nothing to do with not being satisfied."

Camila continued to make her sandwich, spreading a thick layer of peanut butter on two pieces of bread before moving to cut up slices of banana, still saying nothing while Lauren kept talking.

"I'm in love with you Camila," Lauren told her, not even sure Camila was listening. "If I flirted with Charlie I didn't mean to, you're right sometimes I'm oblivious, sometimes I say and do things without thinking about the consequences and I'm sorry that I hurt you, I'm so fucking sorry and I really, really want to fix it, but I don't know how."

Camila set her sandwich on a plate and cut it diagonally before setting the knife in the sink and for a second Lauren expected her to pick up her plate and walk out of the room, but instead she hoisted herself up onto the counter and picked up half her sandwich, eyes trained on the tile floor as she ate.

"I am happy with you, more than happy," Lauren pleaded with Camila to hear her. "I didn't know what to say the other night because your words were stinging, the fact that you think I'm not satisfied with you was heartbreaking. I didn't know what to say because I didn't have any words. I haven't slept, I haven't eaten, I don't even know what's going on in any of my classes because the only thing on my mind is you and trying to find the right words and the right actions in order to fix this."