twenty seven

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Numb. 

It was the only feeling I could even think of to describe this feeling. I felt so, empty. But at the same time, I felt like I was about to explode. 

I was shaking, tears all over my face. 

I was rocking back and forth, sitting on the floor in the silent hotel room I had returned to shortly after Michael texted me saying Luke was no longer in the room.

Why did I break up with him?

How stupid could I be? 

Just leaving him like that? With no chance to let him explain? 

He needs help, he’s so vulnerable and I left him when he needs me the most. I’m such a horrible person, he probably really fucking hates me right now.

All I wanted to do was just go back to normal and be in his arms. Have my back facing him as he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and pull me in closer to his chest as he kissed my shoulder ever so softly like I was some sort of delicate flower.

We were never really normal in the first place, though.

But normal’s boring. 

***

“Are you dipping your pretzels in peanut butter?” Luke questioned, his eyebrows furrowed as he bit his lip, holding back laughter.

I swung my legs back and forth, the back of my feet hitting the cupboard beneath me as I was sitting on the bench top with my legs dangling.

“Shut up. It’s weird, I know” I laughed, poking my tongue out to hide my embarrassment.

He stepped closer to me, now standing in between my legs.

“Weird is good” he said softly kissing my nose.

“The weirder,” he whispered, his voice vibrating against my lower jaw as he kissed it,

“The better.” he finished, kissing the corner of my mouth.

***

I started crying harder as I began to reminisce over all the memories I made with Luke, both the good and the bad.

***

“I’m so scared, Luke” I stammered as I cried into his chest, most likely ruining his plain white t-shirt.

“Hey hey baby, shhhhh, it’s okay” he soothed, combing his fingers through my hair.

“It was just a nightmare baby, I’m not going anywhere I promise” he whispered, kissing my temple.

“I love you” I said softly into the crook of his neck, “I love you too angel” he replied.

***

“Oh my God Luke! You need to stop! You’re so overprotective!” I screamed,

“Well EXCUSE ME for trying to look out for my girlfriend!” he screamed back,

“You weren’t looking out for me! You were being a jealous prick! God, I’m allowed to talk to other guys!” I yelled.

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