Forbidden (Punk Luke Hemmings)

thirty six

// Luke

Another month had passed, and I had heard nothing from my parents.

I was almost completely sure that they had just completely given up on me. Well, of course I already thought that. But part of me thought that when the word reached them that I was in rehab, I was getting better — I was better, maybe they’d realise I wasn’t the same person I was before. I wasn’t being selfish this time around, I was picking up the pieces, cleaning up the mess that I made.

Going to rehab was one of the biggest decisions I had ever made, but it had occurred to me that coming here was most definitely the right decision.

Of course — there was still pieces left to pick up, like the pieces of Daniella’s most likely broken heart. 

It killed me to think of how much I had hurt her within all of this, I don’t think I’d ever get over the look on her face that day. And the fact that she’d already lost someone she loved dearly to a heroin addiction just made it so, so much worse. I’m so glad everything happened when it did though, if it kept going Daniella could’ve possibly lost another person.

Clearly, I could’ve simply blamed everything that happened on Kasey.

But let’s face it, it wasn’t her fault. It was mine, all mine. It was my choice to answer her phone call, it was my choice to get involved, it was my choice to hide the heroin for her, it was my choice to inject it into my bloodstream. 

I was better now, though. And I don’t just mean that I’ve overcome my addiction; I mean that I’m a better person. I’m stronger now, I’m more open-minded. Considering I’ve now been here for 3 months now and every day I’ve had a session with Andrea, and she’s helped me to realise the wrong choices I’ve made. She’s helped me to become a better person, to stop letting everyone talk the fall, and the blame for my own stupid, selfish mistakes.

I’ve learnt so much about the person I am, and I’ve learnt how to control my temper.

I’ve also written so many songs whilst I’ve been here, and each of them are about her. I just hope that soon enough I’ll get out of this damn place, and I’ll get to sing them to her. If she even wants to hear them, that is. God, she might not want anything to do with me anymore.

Can I blame her though? I mean along came this Brisbane-born girl, with good grades, an outgoing personality, had never encountered the police in her life. Then I came crashing into her life, and turned it upside down. And I can’t help but to think I turned it upside down for the worse. The amount of times tears had fallen down her face due to something I had said, done or caused were way too many. She was hospitalised because of me, she developed insomnia because of me, she had her heart broken because of me. She was all alone, because of me.

God, I hated myself for what I put her through, and I could only hope that she’d forgive me. That she’d let me hold her again at night, that she’d let me kiss her shoulder as I felt her drifting off into a deep sleep, she’d let me wrap my arms around her in the morning when she’s cooking breakfast. I could only hope that she’d let me love her again. Because if she didn’t — I don’t know what I’d do.

Ding, ding, ding

It was 10:00am, time for group. I finished drying my hair as I had only just had my shower and gotten dressed. I walked at a fast pace down the long hall, before taking a right like I did every morning, and arrived at the room where we always had group. I opened the door to see everyone already seated.

“Ah, there you are Luke” Adam smiled.

“Hi, sorry I’m late” I mumbled, taking a seat in the only vacant spot which just so happened to be next to Claudia.