Insecure

Could you break my fall?

Writings on the wall - Sam Smith

Sara's POV-

"You look beautiful today." My phone buzzes with an unfamiliar number. I look up from Mr Sterling's desk to find Nathan's big brown eyes smiling at me as he holds his phone. I send him a small smile and text back a thank you before programming his number into my phone.

"You're coming Friday right?" My phone buzzes again. 

"Yea, I just need to find something to wear." I reply.

"I could help?" He offers with a winking emoji.

"It's ok, my best friend is taking me." I assure him.

"But still, you could always ask me for my opinion babe." He replies with a smiling emoji.

"Mr. St.James if I see your phone out again I will take it." Mr. Sterling bellows causing me to jump.

"Yes sir." Nathan mutters as he tucks his phone away. Mr. Sterling goes on to teach his lesson as I resume my typing on his computer, he has me summarizing the reading list for the class so they may chose what books interest them. 

Once the bell rings Nathan hangs behind and approaches me. "Can I walk you to your next class?" He offers and I nod.

"Actually Miss Andrews, I was hoping you could continue helping me in here." Mr. Sterling suggests grinning cockily.

"Actually I have an appointment with my counselor." I explain and he dismisses it.

"Nonsense, I'll call them and explain that I need your help." He replies smiling.

"I'll uh see you later Sara." Nathan says looking defeated before heading out of the classroom. 

Mr. Sterling walks over to me and places his hands on my shoulders as he looks over me at what I'm typing. "That's perfect Sara, you're such a great helper." He says squeezing my shoulders. He goes on to complain about the classes morale and drive.

"It's only the second day Mr. Sterling." I remind him quietly and he nods. 

"You're right Miss Andrews, not everyone can be perfect like you." He says biting his lip and making me feel weird. "Can you sort these papers please?" He asks setting a large stack on my table, after switching chairs Mr. Sterling settles into his chair. 

"Where are you? You're five minutes late?" A text flashes over my screen.

"Harry?" I reply to the unfamiliar number.

"Yea sorry, it's Harry."

"Mr. Sterling said he would tell you that he needed my help." I text back.

"You're not avoiding me?" He asks.

"No of course not." I text.

"Miss Andrews I asked you to stay and help not stay and text." Mr. Sterling snaps causing me to jump.

"I'm sorry." I whisper looking down.

"It's fine darling." He purrs as he rolls his chair closer to me. "Are you ok Sara? You look pale." He asks as he places his hand on my knee. 

"I'm just having a bad day." I reply looking up into his hazel eyes.

"Well cheer up, you're too beautiful to be sad." He says with a soft smile.

These people are seriously blind, first Harry calls me beautiful then Nathan and now Mr. Sterling? 

"Thank you." I whisper looking away from his intent gaze and turning back to my papers while he focuses on his computer as his phone begins to ring.

"Sterling." He answers abruptly. "Yes she's here helping me Mr. Styles. No, I can assure you she's fine. Well what if it becomes a regular thing?" He snaps, what the fuck is Harry saying? "Fine." He says huffing as he slams the phone down. "Why would a sweet girl like you need a psychologist for anyways?" He mutters.

You have no fucking clue do you.

I pretend not to hear him as I finish up the filing. "Could you clean the board please Sara?" Mr. Sterling asks, the end of the school day now ten minutes away. I nod silently before walking over to his cabinet and bending down to get the cleaning supplies. I try to ignore the feeling of his eyes on my body not knowing how it makes me feel. 

It doesn't make me feel beautiful but it makes me feel wanted, it should creep me out but it doesn't. Mr. Sterling is much younger then Michael and very good looking but I've learned the hard way before yet I don't shy away from the attention. Why? Because I crave it, because it's all I can get. 

Because I have no one that pays attention to me any other way. 

By now Mr. Sterling has turned his chair towards me and was watching me clean the whiteboard, I try to ignore his stare but find myself stealing glances at him here and there.  As I try to distract myself my mind wonders off to the day I met Michael. 

It was my freshman year, Emily being a year younger was still in middle school so I was all by myself. I had found my way out onto the field with the lunch my mother had packed me. Back then I was ok with my body, I didn't love it but I didn't hate it. I was slim but with curves and not the blob that I am now.

I saw Michael from across the field playing soccer with a few students, I thought he was a student as well. When the ball was kicked my way Michael ran after it not seeing me at first but when he did he gave me the most dazzling smile I had ever seen. He threw the ball back to the others, sat down next to me and struck up a conversation. 

He was the first guy to ever pay me any attention, I had no clue he was twelve years older then me until after I was in too deep. We kept our relationship a secret from everyone for almost 2 years but when a student had seen us together he was fired. 

That was just three days before my entire life changed. 

After finishing the whiteboard I bend down to put the cleaning supplies away and feel something brush up against my ass. I jump and lose my balance causing Mr. Sterling to wrap his arms around my waist before I fall to the floor.

"You ok?" He asks looking down at me with his eyes full of concern.

"I uh-"

"Sara? Are you in there?"