Insecure

Even my phone misses your call, by the way

From The Dining Table - Harry "In a cool way" Styles

My body was numb, honestly I don't remember the rest of that night other then Emily calling Harry and leaving him a scathing voicemail as she drove us back to my place. "I'm staying at yours tonight and soaking in that massive tub of yours." She says and I nod silently.

Tonight was important to me, tonight Harry was supposed to be by my side. Tonight it was supposed to be about about ME, for once in my fucking life I was doing something big. As thankful as I am for Emily, I wanted Harry there. I wanted him to see what I did, I wanted him to be proud to call me his girl.

Then the flowers.

Were they from Michael? Were they from Lottie? How would Lottie of known about the car accident, about losing my daughter? Did Harry tell her? Did Nathan tell her?

Then Harry, where the fuck is he and why did Lottie have his phone? Is she in labor? Those didn't sound like labor moans, they sounded like-

"Hello, earth to Sara!" Emily snaps me from my mental tirade, "Do you want anything?" She asks and I realize we're in the McDonalds drive thru.

"No but get Roxy a JR cheeseburger." I reply softly, she rolls her eyes and goes on to order what I would of normally ordered along with a large oreo McFlurry.

"Do I know you or what?" She teases after driving up to the window and handing me the large cup of orgasmic ice cream with a wide smile, "Who needs a guy when you have me?" She winks and I roll my eyes.

"Sorry babe but I prefer dick." I muse and she laughs.

"Don't knock it till you try it Sarbear." She smirks and I shake my head, she's kidding right?

I mean Emily and I have been best friends since we were born, I think I would know if she had bisexual tendencies not that there is anything wrong with it. She's just made it well known how much she enjoys the dick.

Fuck I'm confused, I'll just eat this McFlurry and hate hate myself tomorrow.

By the time we pull up to the house it was almost 11, I quickly change and let Roxy out before sitting down and eating the food that I told Emily not to get me. "Isn't prom in like 3 days? Shouldn't you be drinking that green shit you drank to fit into your homecoming dress?" I tease and she looks down with a sad look on her face, "Was it something I said?" I ask as I sit up and put my food down.

"No it's not that, don't worry about it." She says brushing me off before getting up, "I'm going to take a bath and crash, don't wait up for me." Emily tells me before walking into the bathroom.

"I feel like everyone is on their fucking period around me Rox." I sigh as she looks at me with her big brown eyes, she's almost six months old now and a good 80 pounds of pure pup perfection. Roxy huffs at me before turning around and climbing into her bed, "Oh not you too!"

**

The one reason I agreed to this little break was because of finals but now that I don't know where the fuck my boyfriend is it's the last thing on my mind. Emily stays with me the next few nights, it's almost like she wants to escape or something. Maybe she is having issues with her mom....

What if she's pregnant?

She has been eating a lot of junk food and it seems like she's kind of pushing Liam away, they had been fucking like rabbits so it's not like it's impossible. Oh God, what if it's Niall's?

"Goddammit Sara!" Emily shouts as she throws a bra at me, "You keep doing that to me! Will you stop zoning out and help me get ready?" She says huffing in frusteration.

It was Saturday evening, just an hour before prom was to start. She had her hair and makeup down at the salon nearby and insisted I do too even though I'm just going home after she leaves, she said she wanted this experience with her best friend and gave me her puppy eyes so I cave.

Which explains why it's Saturday night, I look like I'm going to a ball even though I'm wearing sweats and I have a bra on my head.

"Emily are you ok?" I ask as she sits down and holds her head in her hands.

"Do you ever feel like you want something so much and when you get it, it's all wrong?"

"All the time, like maybe I'm the kind of person who only wants something they can't have, and when they do get it, they don't want it anymore. Like with Harry, I was finally allowing myself to think about possibly having a family with him in the future but I'm afraid I'll be shit at it and resent him you know?" I reason and she nods.

"I went into Liam's house determined to sleep with him, Niall was just a bonus." She adds with a shrug, "But then I realized he's so much more then a quick fuck, it also helped that you were dating his best friend you know?" She explains and I nod.

"You love Liam-"

"Do I though? He told me he loved me last weekend and I've been avoiding him since." Emily says on the verge of tears, "Everything with him is so set and final, it's always you don't have to go to school because I'll take care of you or I can't wait until you're Mrs. Payne. Can he just let me fucking live? I'm only eighteen for fucks sake, I want to go out and screw whoever I want to screw. I want to go to school, I want to take care of MYSELF." She says angrily and I understand her completely.

"I think you need to talk to Liam about this, maybe not tonight but soon." I say softly as I rub her arm.

"Shit he'll be here in ten minutes, I need your help!" She squeals as her mood completely changes, ok so maybe she is pregnant? "Try on that black lace dress for me while I try on this one so I can see which I like better." She says and I sigh not wanting to argue with a possibly pregnant woman, I grab the dress and slip it on. Oddly enough it's a perfect fit, Emily's eyes light up when she turns around and sees me in it. "God that dress is perfect, let me see it with the heels." She says pointing to a pair of black strappy pumps, I roll my eyes and slip them on just as the doorbell rings. "Oh can you get that?" She asks and I look down my body.

"Like this?" I ask with my brow cocked and she laughs.

"It's just Liam babe, tell him I'll be a few more minutes. I think this dress is the one." She adds fixing her blush pink tulle ballgown, I nod and head for the door since Emily's mom is at work.

"Hey, Emily will be ready in a-" I freeze seeing a gorgeous short haired brunette man standing at her door in a stunning red and black brocade suit, my lips part as my eyes meet his vivid greens.

"You look beautiful Sara."