Insecure

Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?

One More Light - Linkin Park

A/N- Possible trigger warnings in this chapter, be kind and show love.

"Oh Miss Andrews, what are you doing in here?" Principal Johnson asks curiously, I go to answer him but am interrupted by Nathan.

"What happened to Roxy?" Nathan asks looking at her paw, Principal Johnson looks at him in confusion.

"How do you know Mr. Styles' dog Nathan?" He asks.

"It's not his dog, she's Sara's." He answers with a shrug, Harry looks down and bites his lip as he contemplates on how to handle the situation. 

"What are you doing with her dog Mr. Styles?" He asks suspiciously.

"He's helping me take care of her Principal Johnson, Michael was released and he took his anger for me out on her." I explain motioning to her paw, "I had to move out last Wednesday and she was missing until last night. Har- I mean, Mr. Styles offered to watch her during the day so I wouldn't miss my classes since I have exams Thursday and Friday." I add, Harry nods in confirmation and Principal Johnson's eyes soften towards me.

"You're alright though?" He asks and I nod softly, "Well I was trying to see if Mr. Styles could make some time to talk to Nathan here, maybe you can go to the library for a bit." He suggests, I go to get up but Nathan stops me.

"Actually it's fine, this involves her as well." Nathan says, I take a moment to look him over. His eyes are dark and sunk in, his skin is dull and I notice bandages on his wrists under his sweater.

"I'm not sure if that would be wise-"

"It's fine Mr. Styles." I assure Harry, he shoots me a concerned glance and I just nod at him.

"I'll let your fifth periods know you'll be absent, I have a feeling this will take a while." Principal Johnson says before excusing himself, Nathan looks down and chews his lip nervously.

"Are you alright Nathan?" I ask as I put my food besides me and stand up, Nathan's eyes stay down as I walk towards him. "Hey, it's ok if you aren't. We can try to help you."

"Why would you want to?" He snaps, his once golden brown eyes now dull and lifeless. "After all I've done to you, both of you. Why the fuck would you care?"

"Let's just take a seat and calm down alright?" Harry offers gently, Nathan nods before sitting in one of the chairs in front of the desk. I sit in the chair next to him and Harry leans back against his desk.

"You haven't read the texts I sent have you?" Nathan asks and I shake my head no, he sighs and leans back while pushing his hair out of his face. That's when Harry notices the bandages on his wrists.

"Why did you hurt yourself Nathan?" He asks gently.

"Because of her." He whispers nodding to me, I look down regretting that I ignored his texts and calls. "Because of you, because of Lottie.... But mostly, because of me. Because of what has happened to me and because of what I've done to you, to both of you." He adds sadly as he glances from Harry to me, "I'm not going to tell anyone about you two, don't worry." He says and for the first time I actually believe him, Harry physically relaxes before pulling his chair around the desk and sets it next to mine. 

"Are you ok?" I reach over and touch the back of his hand gently, he looks down where my skin meets his and nods.

"I am now, I got out of the hospital yesterday. As you can see I... Well I tried to kill myself." He says, his voice full of shame and sadness. "Last Monday night I took a bunch of pills and thought I could take the easy way out of this mess, after I regained consciousness I was put on a 72 hour psychiatric hold."

"Is that why Liam couldn't get a hold of you?" I ask and he nods, my heart drops when I make a realization. "If I had answered your calls-"

"Don't blame yourself Sara, this was all me." He assures me, I pull my hand back and place it into my lap before looking down.

"Go on Nathan." Harry says as he reaches over and places his hand on my thigh.

"All year I've been in a bad place. Drinking, smoking, sleeping around. I never wanted to stop and realize that my entire life was a shitshow, everything was bad before but it all went to hell when I met Lottie. She was hanging around the shop when I went to visit my brother, she had this weird bruise above her lip and made a remark about her boyfriend beating her so I invited her out for some food to see if she wanted someone to talk to." Nathan pauses and looks at Harry, "I had no clue you were her boyfriend until after."

"The bruise was from a bad lip filler job." Harry mumbles and Nathan laughs.

"I should of figured that, anyways after you walked in on us she came back to my place and we were watching a movie in my families theater room. I went to make us some snack and came back to see her looking around the movies and books, I thought nothing of it until she opened this book but it wasn't a book. It was like a hiding place or something, she started going through these photos and DVDs that I had no clue were there let alone existed." He lets out a breath before continuing, "My stepfather sexually abused me until I was 16." He whispers weakly, Harry and I both gasp softly and I reach over to take his hand.

"Nathan you don't have to-"

"No I do Sara, you told me everything about your past so you deserve to know mine and what part I played in keeping you two apart." He says squeezing my hand before releasing it and smoothing out the front of his jeans. "The photos were of me, the DVDs of his attacks on me. When I put them away I thought Lottie respected me enough to let them be. I didn't see her again for a long time, not until Liam threw me that party. I was in the kitchen having another drink because I was nervous, you made me nervous Sara." He says looking me in the eyes, "I guess I had gotten too drunk because when Lottie came around she was like a magnet, after we were done I realized what I had done. I didn't want Lottie, I wanted you. That's why I was such an ass to the both of you. You're one of the few people you actually know me Sara, those days before the party last weekend were some of the best days of my life because I could finally be myself with someone, with you." Nathan adds before looking down and sighing.

"Lottie must of been spying on me or something, when she saw us together at school she texted me that if I don't keep you away from Harry that she will show everyone. She sent a photo of the photos and DVDs I thought I had hidden from everyone."

"But that's illegal, you were underage." I reply in confusion.

"She's not a US citizen, she'd just be sent back to England." Harry interjects and I nod in understanding.

"Exactly, she knew that I wanted you and she wanted Harry so that was the plan. When you told me what all you had been through that morning after I stayed the night it all changed for me, I realized that I was falling in love with you and I couldn't go through with her plans. I texted her to tell her the deal was off, that she could go fuck herself and that I didn't care who knew about my past. I mean you're brave enough to wake up every day, I thought I could too. But then she sent me another photo, she had these ones made to look like it was Liam who had been abusing me." Nathan tells us, Harry's grasp tightens on my thigh so I take his hand and place it into my own.

"None of it was fake Sara, what I felt for you- hell what I still feel for you.... It was all real." He says softly, "But I couldn't allow her to destroy my brother like that. I'm so sorry for the part I played in keeping you two apart, I knew about the fake engagement and how Lottie was manipulating everything. That's why when it came down to it that night, I stopped us. Not that I wanted to but because I had to." 

"The picture of her and Harry kissing?" I ask and he sighs.

"It was me with his watch and a side of photoshop." Nathan admits, "She's fucking insane, she bugged my car, my phone... Who knows what she's done to you." He says looking at Harry, "I texted you screenshots of all the texts hoping that you two would understand and maybe one day forgive me."

"Good, because as soon as that kid is out of her I'll need it to put her away."