The past can't haunt me if I don't let it, live and learn and never forget it.

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Learn To Let It Go - Kesha

I couldn't say anything, all I could do was pull on my booths, gather my things and walk away as I dial the only number I can think of at the moment.

"Sara? It's almost three in the morning!"

"I'm so sorry Nessa but is there anyway you could come get me?" I sob into the phone, she tells me to text her the address and hangs up as I walk out to the main street. We only lived a few minutes from Nathan's neighborhood which was thankfully empty right now, within five minutes Vanessa's green sedan pulls up.

"Are you alright?" She asks looking over at me in concern, "Do you need to go to the hospital or the cops?"

"No, I'm fine." I assure her with a sad smile, "I just realized something and want to go home." She nods and drives towards our house as I look out at the midnight sky.

Just when I think it's alright to open myself up again, just when I think I have someone worthy of knowing the real me and everything about me I'm proved wrong. Am I still paying for my past mistakes? Am I still so insecure that I latch on to anyone I think is trustworthy?

I'm angry, I'm hurt...... I'm sad, sad because I honestly thought Nathan was a good guy, that we could be good friends at the very least.

Guess I was wrong.

The minute Vanessa pulls into the garage I shout thank you and goodnight before springing into my room, I wasn't tired, no I had something important I wanted to do.

I toss my purse onto my bed before stripping out of my clothes and throwing on an old Tshirt that just so happened to be Harry's. Before I could even think I was pulling a large box out of my closet that I hadn't touched in years, once the easel was set up I stare at the blank canvas allowing it to speak with me when I remembered something. 

The photo book Harry had made me was sitting on my nightstand so I open it up and flip to the photo that has been seared into my mind since I first saw it. Once I find it I set the book on my table next to the easel and begin to sketch, I haven't painting since I met Michael. It was once my passion and joy, the one thing I wanted to do for the rest of my life but he thought it was a waste of time. My naive ass didn't know any better, I figured he knew what was best.

Ha, bullshit.

Once I had the outlines sketched I stand back and scan the canvas, tilting my head I decide to add some swirls and filigree work behind the blossoms before pouring some red, white, green and black paint onto my palette and grabbing my brush. The one thing I love about these blooms was the depth of color, I smile when I expertly mix just enough black and red together to get the perfect shade of dark, rich red. 

It was like time stood still for me, all that existed was my canvas, paints and paintbrush. Before I knew it, the sun had risen and I was still on my feet painting away. My phone would ring or buzz with text messages but I didn't care, for once in a long time I was alone in my happy place, for once my happiness didn't depend on anyone but myself.

And that's how the entire weekend went. Just me, some blank canvases and my paints. Vanessa would bring me some food here and there but my focus was elsewhere. By Sunday night I had painted five full canvases and they were good, really good. 

I took a shower and set out my things for school tomorrow, before bed I check my phone to see dozens of missed calls and texts from Nathan along with a text from Emily checking on me. I quickly reply to Emily assuring her that I'm fine before lying down, it felt good to paint again. Like I was finally getting back to myself after all of the shit Michael put me through.

I felt like me again.


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