Insecure

Tough times they keep coming

Beautiful Trauma - Pink

"I'm sorry, did you say wife?"

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It's been really rough since she got pregnant." Ian sighs as I look at him in disbelief, he never gave off signs he was married. No ring, nothing.

"Don't apologize to me, I'm not the one you cheated on Ian." I snap just before pulling my tank top over my head, my mind was going a million miles an hour.

On one side of the coin I felt empowered, for once I made a decision to be sexual FOR ME. No emotions involved, just pure raw want and need. The other side of coin I felt dirty but I really shouldn't it. I mean, I used him just as he used me. I knew nothing would come out of this, I knew that Ian was nothing more then a friend. A friend that I just fucked who happens to have a pregnant wife.

"Sara-"

"It's whatever Ian." I shrug before walking out of the closet into the classroom and grabbing my things.

"Sara please." He says has he grabs my arm.

"Don't fucking touch me." I growl as I rip my arm from him, "I'm transferring out of your class, you're not going to contact me and you're going to act like this never happened or I'm going to tell Principal Johnson." I add staring into his eyes, he purses his lips then looks down before nodding. "Congratulations, I have no doubt you'll be an amazing father that doesn't cheat on his wife." I sneer before leaving the gym thankful that I had driven my own car.

Driving is becoming very cathartic for me, it's like the one thing no one can take away from me. Yes Harry bought my car but the pink slip is in my name, it's 100% mine. I drive mindlessly and before I know it I'm back at the park that means more to me then I even realize, the park where for the first time someone saw ME. 

Not my body, not my past. ME.

 I grab my phone and my keys before making my way to the picnic table where Harry and I had our first real talk, after a few minutes of silence I take a deep breath and glance at my phone to see a text from Harry.

"Hey Sara, everyone is ok. I just need some time away to think. I'll see you Monday hopefully." 

My fingers itch to text him back, to call him and hear his voice tell me that everything will be ok. But I don't, I can't.

If I have any chance of being happy in the future, no matter who with, I need to be more independent. I need to handle this without running to someone else's arms because that's basically what got me here. From Michael to Harry, Nathan back to Harry, Harry to Nathan and Nathan to Ian.

Is it odd I don't feel like a whore though? I'm nineteen and have been with three men, two of which I was in serious relationships with. Emily would laugh at me right now, she'd say "You gotta try out different bikes before you choose the one you ride for life."

My phone buzzes in my hand and I answer it without looking at the ID, "Hello?"

"Sara, where are you? I need to talk to you about something." A slight Irish accent sounds on the other line.

"Hey Niall, I'm at Skyline park." I reply and I hear him sigh.

"Stay there, I'm going to have Liam come get me since he has my car and I'll be right there." He says before hanging up and I'm left confused.

About ten minutes later I see Niall and Liam pull up, Niall is in his suit so I know he just came from work whereas Liam looks to be in gym gear. "Hey guys." I wave at them as they jog over, they each give me a hug before Niall sits down across from me and Liam next to me. "What's up?" I ask.

"How are you doing?" Liam asks as he wraps his arm around me.

"You want the honest truth or me to smile and say I'm fine?" I sigh as I place my head on his shoulder, Liam leans his head against mine and comforts me as I break down. "I love Harry so much but he's hurt me so badly, then your asshole brother has been in cahoots with Lottie this whole time. Oh and the kicker? I fucked my teacher who I just found out has a wife and kid on the way." I vent as the two of them listen quietly. 

"You have shit taste in men, other then Harry at least." Niall says shaking his head, "You two need to talk when he gets back." He adds sighing and I nod softly. 

"I know we're his friends but we're yours too, plus I'm dating your best friend so just know that we've got your back Sara." Liam assures me before hugging me into his side a bit more, "No matter what." He whispers then presses a kiss to my hair.

"Thank you guys, especially you Liam. You and Harry took me in when I had no where to go." I mutter and he smiles softly.

Of course." He replies as Niall shifts awkwardly, I furrow my brows at him and he sighs.

"I need to tell you something Sara." He says softly, I chew my lip nervously as Liam rubs my back. 

"Michael was released this afternoon."