Insecure

But the proof is in the way it hurts

I Know I'm Not The Only One - Sam Smith

"Sara, a package came for you. I set it on your bed." Vanessa calls out as I walk into the house. "Can you be ready to go in thirty minutes?" She asks as she comes out in her pink bathrobe.

"Yea, I'll just put Roxy away and freshen up a bit." I tell her before walking into my room with Roxy in tow. A medium sized plain brown box sat on my bed addressed to me f on some type of photo lad.

I carefully open the box and my heart races as bittersweet feelings rush through me, it was a photobook. 

Of us.

Looking at the order date, Harry had ordered it before we returned from England. Before everything went wrong.

The book is beautifully made, photos from our 5 months together fill the pages. As I flip to the end there are photos I hadn't realized he'd taken, photos of me with his mom and Gemma, photos of me with Roxy. The last page was a beautiful photo of a rose bush in Anne's garden, I remember Harry telling me that the rose tattoo on his arm was modeled after one of the roses from the plant since they were always so perfect. The photo shows two absolutely stunning dark red roses with drops of dew still on the petals.

At the bottom was written "The first five months of the rest of our lives, love you always and forever. - H".

I lost it, I completely and utterly broke down. Roxy whines at me as I sob, I look up and she cocks her head to the side so I hold my arms out and she curls up in my lap. How can everything be so right one second and then so wrong the next? 

Something about this changes the way I feel, I don't care about anything else. I just want to be with him.

"Come over later tonight? I want to talk about something, also I just got the photobook. I love it Harry, thank you." I text him quickly and seconds later my phone buzzes.

"I'm glad you like it, I'll text you when I leave the house." He replies and my heart flutters.

**

After a good cry I cleaned myself up and slipped on a dark green long sleeved skater dress that Gemma had helped me pick out over some black tights and my brown riding boots. "Be a good girl Roxy, I'll bring you back something." I whisper as I put her in her crate before checking myself in the mirror one last time.

Tonight I'm going to get my man back.

**

"Did Roxy really need all of those treats?" Vanessa teases me as we set all of our bags down at a trendy table downtown. 

"Yes, yes she did." I retort and she rolls her eyes before ordering us both waters along with a Pepsi for me and a glass of wine for her. 

We had a good time spending hours shopping mindlessly, I feel like we've finally reconnected again especially after the whole Harry fiasco. It feels like for once in 11 years, I have an older sister again. I had never been able to spend time like this with her before as a teenager let alone adult and it was honestly really nice. 

"How are you doing Sara? You seem better." She says as she pats my hand fondly.

"I am, I feel like myself again." I smile and she beams.

"See, it's possible to be happy with him sweetie." Vanessa assures me and I sigh knowing she probably won't like what I'm about to ask.

"Yea, about that." I mumble before taking a deep breath and leaning towards her. "Do you think it's possible to be with a man while another woman is pregnant with his child?" I ask and she sighs giving me a knowing look. "I love him Vanessa." I whisper.

"You love him?" She asks with her brow cocked and I nod.

"He had ordered this beautiful photobook of our relationship and it just.... I don't know. It reminded me how happy we were before and how he made me feel.... And how much I'm in love with him." I explain with a dreamy look and she smiles.

"I think that you have a good heart Sara, it knows the way." Vanessa says confidently. The waiter comes and takes our orders before refilling her wine glass. "Does he know?" She asks and I give her a puzzled look. "That you love him."

"I think he can feel it but I haven't been able to say it, not since Michael." I murmur and she looks down.

"I know what he did and how horrible he was to you and I'm very sorry for that but-" She bites her lip nervously. "A part of me still loves him and I know that's stupid but I can't help it." She admits and I reach over to take her hand. 

"Trust me Vanessa, no one knows that feeling more then I." I assure her and she gives me a tight lipped smile.

"Oh Sara! Fancy seeing you here." A woman's voice sounds, I look up to a pregnant stomach in my face.

"Charlotte." I reply rolling my eyes, Vanessa furrows her brows before her eyes widen in realization. 

"Is this your sister? I can see the slight resemblance, too bad you don't look more like her." Lottie sneers and I narrow my eyes at her. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Lottie, Harry's baby's mother and fiance." She says greeting Vanessa, Vanessa looks at me as my heart drops.

Fiance?

"I wasn't aware Harry was engaged." My sister retorts snarkily and I mentally high five her.

"Oh it just happened tonight, with the baby on the way he wanted to make me an honest woman."

Warning, word vomit ahead.

"That's a load of bull, you're the least honest bitch I've ever met." I snap, Vanessa's eyes widen at me at Lottie's lips part in shock. "You've cheated on him, you've stolen from him. Why the fuck would he propose to you? That's not even an engagement ring you vapid whore."

"Actually this was his grandmother's ring, Anne must of given it to him when she saw how serious we had gotten." She challenges as she puts her hands on her hips.

"Why do I find that hard to believe? Oh maybe because I know for a fact that Anne and Gemma absolutely hate you, well guess what! They LOVE me, how do you like me now bitch?" I reply angrily before standing up and looking into her blank pale blue eyes. 

"You knew it was a matter of time before he realized you couldn't give him what he wanted Sara, just accept defeat and move along." She says shrugging dismisively before tapping on her phone with her long, fake nails. "Besides, I think he's over you." She adds showing me a photo of her and Harry kissing, my first thought is it's an old photo. 

But its not, he's wearing the watch I gave him as he cups her face.

"You can have him because clearly he's not worth my sister's time and love." Vanessa snaps as she gathers our bags. "Come on Sara, you're too good to be breathing the same air as this cum guzzling fuck-hole." She growls and I can't help but laugh because that was so unlike her as we walk away from Lottie.

"Are you alright?" Vanessa asks as we wait for the valet to bring up our car, the emotions finally set in and I begin to cry. "Shhh." She coos as she wraps her arms around me. "He isn't worth it babe."

She comforts me in silence until they bring our car up and load us up, once we pull onto the street my phone buzzes. "I'll be there in 10." Harry says.

"Don't bother, congratulations on the engagement. I'm sure you two will be very happy together, you deserve each other."