The Lorèn Project [Discontinued]

Chapter 19

"Whenever a chance arrives, take it. It could be the only chance you've got so don't lose it."

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I was at a loss for words when I noticed that I responded to him in a quick manner. I had never felt to comfortable saying something like this to anyone. My eyes, my poison, it was all extremely personal to me. He must've been thinking the same thing because he stared at me in light surprise as if, he already knew something.

I kept eye contact with him in an attempt to not back down from this silent challenge. He narrowed his eyes as of to intimidate me but I've grown cold to that reaction. He sighed when he noticed I wasn't budging and let go of my hand to look at his. There was a deep burn on his hand that would definitely scar and I frowned at this thought.

'Although he's the one who touched me and didn't let go. He must've known, yet, he still did it...' I thought sourly as I looked at my hand sadly, repressing all my horrible memories.

I clenched my hands into a fist and decided to just come out and ask him directly. It couldn't hurt to ask him even if he's for his own benefit.

"Why did you grab my hand...if you knew what would happen?" I asked unsurely myself, as I awaited his answer dreadfully. 

He crossed his arms as he mulled over my question. "Hm, well, it's not because I was trying to gain anything. It was a mere hunch I had that I was curious on," He started slowly before turning to face me, arms still crossed comfortably over his chest.

"Maybe because I overheard you tell that blonde brat the other night. How come your skin is like that anyways?" He asks me out of curiosity, looking me over like I was a different person than before. I decided to not tell him anything because I couldn't trust him. He kidnapped me and he doesn't get to know those important details about me.

"I'd rather not say. I'm sorry but it's not your place to ask such personal questions." I say as I cross my own arms over my chest trying to seem intimidating. He just gave me a crooked smile as he noticed my stance. "Your a strange woman." He mumbles mostly to himself before he turns to leave.

"Ah! Wait I have another question!" He hesitates in his steps for a moment before raising his right hand in a waving notion. "Not answering ya princess, My personal business." He mocks before walking away.

I puff my cheeks in irritation at his accusation before stomping my way back towards my room. I can't believe he shot my words back at me! I opened the door and sat on the bed in a huff, not noticing Evan watching me with curious glances.

"What happened? If you don't  mind me asking." He asked as he stood up from the couch. He was currently polishing one of his swords and he noticed my look of distress. "I'm fine, it's just his royal pain in the ass won't answer my questions!" I said in a raised voice, clearly pissed off to the rest of the world. If you couldn't tell I was mad, then there must be an issue.

"The captain then I take it? What did you want to ask him?" I stiffened when he asked me that question then I thought for a moment. 'What did I want to ask him exactly?' I couldn't wield a weapon, and if I asked he wouldn't be bothered to teach me. "Was it something I could help you with?" He continued to ask, putting down his sword gently, he stood up and walked over to me.

He sat down beside me, leaving a gap between us to leave a comfortable space. He doesn't look at me but I know he's thinking about what to say.

"Does it have something to do...with your touch?" He asks hesitantly and I stiffened but try to keep calm in front of him. Evan is a very serious person and I must retain my composure.
"Well, not technically, but in a way; I wanted to ask him what I could do to help around the ship," I said but Evan remained quiet, urging me to continue. "I didn't want to be...useless. I hurt people with these dirty hands but if I could help someone, even once, then maybe my sins will be lessened. That's what I want to think. However, it's just me being selfish..." I finished as I looked away from him ashamed that my wishes were only to satisfy myself.

"I think it makes you strong, and brave," He says catching me off guard. I look over at him with a perplexed look but he continues. "Its not that you're a monster, you've just been given a bad hand in your life. I don't know what happened to you and I can't understand your pain; but I do know that even after knowing who and what you are, your trying to help others."

He looks at me with a small smile before continuing. "Its true that your situation is...well, complicated, but it doesn't make you a bad person." He awaits my reaction but I don't know what to say to that.

"If I'm not a bad person, than what am I?" I mumble out loud to myself. "I hurt others unconsciously and people become afraid of me. Aren't you afraid that I could seriously harm you?" I said flabbergasted at the fact he's so calm about my situation. Normal people would run away or scream in terror but he's just...interested. He doesn't make any notions towards hating me but he also remains neutral.

"If I were worried about you harming me, I'd have killed you already." I widen my eyes in disbelief. He's that confident he'd never get hurt by me? "You honestly can't hurt a fly, let alone a person. Maybe on accident you'd hurt someone but I can't see you intentionally hurting someone. You freaked out when you burnt my shirt, remember?"

He pointed that out as he looked at the hole in his shirt. "I've never met a person like you before, and I'm not the only one who's perplexed by you." He mentions before leaving the room, alone to my thoughts.

"Who am I really...? Am I really worthy of protecting the children? They don't trust me anymore..." I said to myself out loud.