...

XX

-Stella Hart-

I'm scared.

But I can't tell James that.

My heart hurts.

But I can't tell Sirius that.

I want him back.

But I can't even say that out loud.

So I don't.

On the second to last day of school, the day of the last task in the Tri-Wizard Tournament, I could barely speak, none of us could. After the past two tasks, I wasn't sure my heart could handle another one, but it had to. I had to be strong. If not for me, then for James.

This task was unlike the others being that, it was being held at night. This changed everything and opened up a whole new range of possibilities. Possibilities that scared me shitless.

"Guys this is stupid you're acting like I'm about to be executed!"

We all stared at James, dumb, foot-in-mouth James. We were sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room after dinner where no one really ate that much. Most people had already headed over to the edge of the forbiddon forest where stands had been set up.

"You could be." Lily mumbled, saying what we were all thinking.

"Don't be daft Lil, I'll be fine."

"You don't know that, James." Peter spoke up, eyes wide and afraid.

James' face softened as he nudged Peter with his elbow.

"Okay, maybe I don't. But I can hope, right?" He asked, looking around at us, taking in our scared expressions.

"Yeah, James. You can hope." I spoke up giving him a small smile.

It was quiet for a moment. Then James lept up.

"Right fuckers, let's go and watch me win the Tri-Wizard Tournament!" He hollared, slapping his hands on the coffee table.

And just like that, the tension broke and we were smiling and laughing again. The fear never left but it lessened slightly and that was more than we could hope for.

Here's the thing, Lily talks a lot of shit, but she has the biggest heart of anyone I know and as she looped her arm under as we all moved out of the Common Room, I could feel her tremble. She was just as scared for James as the rest of us, but she had her award-winning poker face on so I followed suit.

I had gotten very good at my poker face over the past two weeks. After Sirius punched Mathieu and we fought outside the Great Hall, we had ignored each other. It was so fucking hard not talking to him. I missed it. Not the kissing or the flirting, but just the talk and the touch. The connection.

As we crossed the dark grounds, I allowed myself to look at him now. His messy hair, flopping over his ears, getting in his eyes. His eyes. Stormy grey, watching, waiting. His hollowed cheeks, his... ugh I could go on and on and on. But I force myself to look away because I cannot get lost in Sirius Black, not today.