" In a way I think she is a star.
She burns bright but at first she's faraway,
just out of reach until one day she hurtles into your life,
breath taking and beautiful,
full of secrets and mystery hoping that you'll catch her,
but if you blink,
yo...
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Snapshot: The first
There wasn't an exact moment when I realised Lily was pregnant, she just stepped into the room and I knew.
James and Lily had gotten the whole gang around for Sirius's 20th birthday on November 3rd, 1979. It was the usual Friday night hang, good food, good music, good booze and good laughs, but only this time there were party hats.
I knew something was going on the minute James opened the door. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet in his usual excitable way but only this time, there was a nervous edge to the way he ushered us in and rambled away.
Then I saw Lily, dancing into the room wearing a party hat and holding out a bottle of firewhiskey to Sirius with a red ribbon around it's neck. I saw her and she was glowing. And I know it sounds like bullshit, but I just knew.
The way James was constantly touching her in some way, which she would usually scoff at but today she just leaned into him. The way Lily's hands fluttered around her stomach, not ever resting but just skimming, like she ws already caressing her baby.
Then it came to the toast, Sirius cracking open his new gift especially.
And Lily didn't drink.
Fun fact about Lily, she always drinks. The girl doesn't even need an occasion she just cracks one open. Her favorite thing now that we've graduated is to drink wine on the couch while the boys go off to god knows where, causing trouble, and talk about how hard our days been.
But when we all raised a glass for Sirius, she didn't.
And it wasn't just me who noticed. When James finally finished telling stories and we all knocked one back, Remus spoke up.
"Lil, why didn't you drink?" He asked.
There was a breath of silence as panic rippled under the surface of her porcelain features before I answered for her.
"Because she's pregnant."
Sirius laughed like the idea was hilarious, but now that I had said, Lily was about ready to burst with the news, and burst she did.
"Yeah, I am. I'm pregnant! And I know it's scary because Voldemort's gonna come after us, but I'm so fucking happy that I don't fucking care. Let him come! Let him see what will become of him if he even dares to lay one had on my baby."
That night, we celebrated like we never had before. Getting obscenely drunk by taking extra shots and justifying it by saying "I'm drinking for Lily!" and "I'm drinking for the baby!" We strapped a party hat to Lily's tummy so that the baby could wear one too and danced around the living room to songs we wouldn't remember in the morning.
Fuck, we were happy. So, so, happy. Looking back, I'm jealous of myself, I'm angry at myself. I want to go back and live it again, appreciate it more.
But we can't go back.
~~~
AUTHORS NOTE
I proper love writing these snapshots they're so fun.
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