Broken Angel // Zayn Malik

Like Fire and Rain

Chapter 19

-Zayn-

Its been a week since I've seen Harry or Saige. After that encounter with Saige, I've just shut everyone out. Perrie, Liam, Louis... Everyone. I haven't gotten much sleep lately either.  Never in my life have I cried for a woman this much before. It's taken me two years to realize that I actually love Saige, but it doesn't matter anymore. She doesn't feel that way about me. I can't believe how blind I was.

I took one long drag of the cigarette before putting it out. Did I mention I've been smoking a lot more? A soft knock disturbed my thoughts. "Zayn?" Perrie softly whispered. "Do you need anything?" I shook my head, not bothering to turn around. I heard Perrie sigh. "Can you please talk to me? All of a sudden, you just shut me out--everyone out. What's going on, Zayn?" I bit the inside of my cheeks.

"Just a little homesick, that's all." I lied. Perrie wrapped her arms from behind me. "We're leaving in a few days." She said. "Yeah." I shrugged off her arms. "Do you want to call them?" She offered. "No," I sighed heavily. "I just want to get some rest." I replied. "I'll just leave you alone, I guess." Perrie made her way towards the door. "I love you." She whispered before leaving.

I felt like I needed to tell her I love her too, but the thing is I don't. Maybe I don't know what love really is. Maybe I was just struck by the thought of having a partner.

I took my last drag of the cigarette, before putting it out. The reason why I was smoking so much is because it feels as if I'm breathing her in-- breathing Saige in. She's like nicotine; addicting.

I'm constantly thinking about her, what she's doing, where she is, what she's thinking about. I want more. No, I need more. I need her here with me. I need her to tell me she forgives me. I need her to tell me she loves me again.

I paced around the room. I feel like I should talk to Saige, but it'd be unnecessary for me to go after what happened. She probably doesn't want to see me either. She probably cut me out of her life. Fuck it. I pulled on a shirt and grabbed my keys.

"Babe, where are you going?" Perrie asked, following me. "Doing a few errands." I lied. "I'll be back in a bit." I told her, climbing into the seat of the car. "Okay," Perrie sighed. It may seem like I'm a jerk; not telling her about my feelings and shutting her out, but I may or may not have feelings for Perrie. At the moment, all I know is that I love Saige.

After going down the wrong street a few times, I finally made it to the house. I slowly knocked and waited. The cool breeze sent chills over my body. I knew I should've brought a sweater. I thought, stupidly. Saige hasn't opened the door and I've been waiting here for fifteen minutes. I don't care if she doesn't want to me, I'll stay right here and wait 'til she opens the door.

Another fifteen minutes have passed and its pouring outside. I was shivering and my teeth were chattering. What if I die, out here in the cold, waiting for her?  I blew out my breath to my hands as an attempt to keep warm. I stood up and for the millionth time, I knocked. I should just go. I told myself. She doesn't want to do anything with you. She cut you out of her life. As I was about to walk away, the door swung open.

"Zayn?" Saige squinted, hugging herself. "What are you doing? It's pouring out and your most likely going to be sick." She said. Saige stared at me for a while before offering me to go in. I denied it. "S-Saige," I began. It was hard for me to speak due to my teeth chattering. "I need you t-to give me a c-clear answer." I stammered. "What are you talking about? Damn it, Zayn. Get inside before you freeze out there!" She demanded. I didn't listen to her. "Listen to me, just this once." I begged.

Saige sighed before motioning for me to continue. "A-Are you positive," I started, but she interrupted me. "Are you saying I'm fat? I may have gained weight, but I do not look like a pregnant woman." She scowled. I chuckled lightly. "Let me finish." I said.

 "What I was trying to say was, a-are you sure you d-don't love me?" I'm sure my question got her off guard; she froze. "Zayn," "Don't lie to me," I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Please. Be honest." I was sure my question got her off guard. "Do you know how much you've hurt me?" She said while looking at the ground.

"Do you know how long I've waited for you to say you loved me?" Her eyes fluttered up to meet my own. They showed one emotion she was feeling: distraught. "You fell for someone who wasn't me. She doesn't have my crappy dark hair, my chubby cheeks, or my stubborn ways. Hell, the point is that she isn't me." She smiled sadly. "This was supposed to happen, Zayn. I've learned to accept it, you should too." I felt my heart slowly shatter. She wouldn't change a thing.

"So," I said slowly. "You'd rather have our relationship broken on the floor, than fixing it?" I furrowed mt eyebrows. A tear rolled down Saige's cheek. She laughed humorlessly. "The only thing that's broken here is me." She smiled through her tears. "You should get going, before you get sick. Goodnight." Saige said, closing the door.

 

I had the sudden urge to punch a wall. I clenched my jaw. I rested my head onto the front door. "Saige, I know you can here me." I began. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so blind, for being such a jerk. Most of all, I'm sorry I didn't give you the love you deserve." I felt tears pool around my eyes. I fought my hardest to not shed a tear, but one fell as I blinked.

"I love you, Saige. I love you so damn much it's driving me insane. My confession probably means nothing to you now, but I thought you should know." I breathed heavily.

"I love you, Saige Nichols."

(A/N) Short again, I know :/. Sorry for saying I'd update in 3-5 days and didn't stick to my word. School and procrastination got in the way. Anyways Goodnight!  I love you!