Saviors (Completed)

19. Painful Talk

The raindrops there painted the roads in the darkness glared at me, reminding me of how weak I was. I glared back, just not with the same intensity or motive. I just glared. A weird thing to do at puddles, since you normally just look at them. Maybe because I am not normal? Probably. 

Anthony speeded up, moving his hands beside me. The leather smell filled my nose and I inhaled a deep breath. "Your brothers were nice," I commented, my body moving closer to the window. 

"Thanks," he answered flatly, turning left down an unknown road covered in darkness. 

Clouds covered the otherwise sparkling moon, leaving only the half glowing streetlamps to fill the empty streets with light this cold night. 

Anthony had made the music play in the background. I could only just figure out the words, which I silently copied with my mouth; singing on the inside of my mind.

"You don't talk that much," he said beside me. The heavy feeling of his eyes landed on my back, keeping themselves there for a moment. 

"I say what I need to say." I sought the fastest way to end the conversation, however, I had no idea what happened in Anthony's mind. Which thoughts crossed over each other and begged to be released. 

"That sounds sad," he said, turning the wheel, so the car twirled down another road. A twist in his voice indicated that he in some way knew how sad my words were. 

We all have feelings we don't show to others, maybe even Anthony hid something beneath all his layers? I did different things to prevent me from being miserable and one of them was avoid conversations, but still, I answered when Anthony would say something. I answered when Tony, my father or my mother would say something. I kept doing the things there buried me deep. I was indeed a fool. 

Feelings crammed into my chest and I didn't fight it. I let it bury me in black powder until I wasn't visible any longer. 

"Do you still love him?" His words were as powerful as his fist and as I glanced his way, his expression was just as strong. 

"Who?"

"Your brother. Do you really still love him? He must have done something to make you feel such emotions everytime something about brothers comes up." 

I drew in a deep breath. "You can't stop loving family. So yes, I still love him."

"How much?" 

He indicated a strong concern of the subject and somehow I knew that no matter how much I tried to avoid it, he would keep pressing for the truth. So why not just give it to him already? Save me from the fight I would lose no matter what. 

"Does that really matter?" I asked, my hands trailing after a drop there ran down the clean window, picking up a few smaller drops on its way. 

"Why does it not? He may be your brother, but your love shouldn't be unconditional over for someone who hurt you so badly."  

"My love for him wasn't enough to make him stay. If I stop loving him now; if I begin to love him less, would that bring him back? Or would it make it hurt less?" I watch my eyes in the window. My reflection was the only thing keeping me sane. My eyes, glowing with innocent and fright, stared back at me. 

Anthony briskly stopped the car, my body punched forward in surprise. I turn to look at him, my eyes wide and my heart racing for every second there goes by. He unlocked himself, turning his torso towards me and gently placing his hand on my cheek, leaning his face closer. 

I shoved his hand away quickly, scrambling as far away from him as possible. "Don't touch me." I never thought this was how I would feel around Anthony. Lost. He shook his head, placing his palms on my cheeks whipping away the tears I had yet to discover with his soft thumbs.