33. Throw Him In Jail

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I'm in love with Anthony

He never left my mind. He was always there, if not physical then mentally. It was illogical. Though he was my stable force in my world filled with endless chaos, he was still Anthony Martinez and no matter how much he said he cared, he would never love me back. That was even more illogical. I was in love with him and I couldn't believe I had only just realized it.

He walked only a few feet in front of me, talking on his phone. He had tried to take my hand, but I had refused.

His car was nicely parked by the side of the road and as we approached he looked back at me and removed the phone. "Can we go to my place?" he asked and opened the door for me.

I nodded my head and placed myself in the comforting seats. I leaned back and dried my eyes for the third time. He sat beside me, trying to keep his eyes away from me but failed. "I should call the police or something. How dare he raise his hand against his own child?" He slammed his hands down on the wheel and caught my eyes. 

"Please don't do anything. I can do it myself." 

"I don't believe you. If you could do it yourself, you would have done it by now. You're an adult for God sake!"

"Don't yell at me," I said low and raised my hands to my ears.

He drew in a deep breathe. "Sorry, I... I just can't do nothing." Anthony ran a hand through his already messy hair quickly three times. I hooked my own hands down in my pants and dropped my gaze down on the floor of the car. 

"I don't want anyone to do my things for me. I've survived five years on my own and I can keep that on for a few more. I don't need your help I just need someone who will not shout at me or judge me. Is that too much to ask?" 

Anthony kept his eyes steady resting on the wheel as he tried to control his temper with deep breathes and probably a few calming words in his mind. That seemed to work for others. 

"You see, I understand that you want someone who won't shout or judge you, but I don't understand how you can't see you need help. You can't do everything by yourself."

"I can and I will!" 

"No!" 

"Stop!" I screamed, dodging my head. "Please just stop." It was only a whisper compared to the scream, but it shouted him completely up and his whole body tensed beside me. He was lost for words, totally stunned and I understood. If some girl had screamed in my head I would have reacted the same way. 

"I-I really don't know what else to do. I have no idea and I think you need to really make a decision. Do you want me to help you or do you want to stay like this," he said and brushed the dirt away from his pants. 

Deep down I knew he was right. I just knew it, but like my father, my ego shadowed over the best decision and covered the voice of my heart. He sat right beside me and in some way through these months he had always been there and I had taken it all for granted and here I am, for the second time, on the edge of losing him. I could choose to keep him and fight for myself or I could take the easy way and keep being broken and hurt. It didn't sound like a hard choice, but it was. 

"Your decision," he said coldly and ran his hands over the wheel. I looked at him in wonder. Was he worth it?

Yes. 

Yes, he was. 

"Okay," I breathed out and looked up. 

"Okay, what?" 

"Okay, I'll go with you. I'll let you help me and I mean it." 

He smiled and turned on the car. "See, that wasn't so hard." We drove down the street with his words in the air, calming but still a bit too bad boyish.

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