The Story Of Me.

Bernadette

TRIGGER WARNING THERE WILL BE SELF HARM IN THIS CHAPTER AND THERE WILL BE A LOT OF OTHER STUFF, IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED DON'T READ THIS!!!!

Alissa's P.O.V.

TIME SKIP THREE MONTHS LATER.

I was sitting in the gym behind the counter, Jack finally hired me (Even though he said I was a distraction) but I was happy.  Anna is forcing me to do online because I don't have the time to go, between me performing and working I barely have time to go to school. I love performing and I like having my own money. 

I was interrupted from my thoughts when my phone made a ping noise. I looked at his text, 

J: What time do you get off?

A: About 5 more minutes till it closes. Wait you should know what time YOUR gym closes.

J: There are different times for different days.

A: Why? What do you wanna do?

J:I will tell you when I pick you up.

A: Okay I gotta text Anna and tell her that your picking me up.

J: Ok 

I exit out of his contact and tell Anna she didn't have to pick me up, she was bummed because she wanted to go shopping. After 5 minutes passed I hear a hunk,  I locked up the gym and went in the car. "How was work?" He asked with a smile, "Slow" I said in a bored tone. He chuckled, "So normal day for my gym then." He laughed I chuckle at him and his humor. I look up from my hands that I found more interesting than anything else. We were at a diner, Sally's Diner. His sister works here. Why are we here?  I am so confused.

We walked in and sat at a booth, Mary saw us and smiled, "Hey guys, what would you like?" She asked hugging us. "I want the BBQ rib special, and hey how is everything?" She wrote everything down on her note pad, "Fine I guess." She said quietly. "I will just have a Coke. And we have to hang out soon." I told her and she smiled. "I would like that." With that she turned around to get what we ordered. I noticed Jack staring at me so I got a little bit self-conscience. "What do I have something on my face or so-" I was cut off by his lips. I kissed back, and I felt the little butterflies awake in my stomach. 

I love how soft his lips are, how the move, how they make me all gushy inside, how they make me wanna just kiss him anytime I can, and the taste of his lips is just a perfect pure bliss. He makes me not want to harm myself, he makes me love who I am and my body. I am months clean from cutting. I was cut off from the kiss when a girl walked by and said something that made me want to stand up, but I chose to ignore it. We pull away, "I want to do that a lot more often." Jack said smiling, I quickly kissed  him, "My eyes, my innocent- okay maybe not so innocent eyes!" Mary said as she set our food and drinks down. Jack and I chuckle. 

As I am drinking and he is eating, the girl from earlier came up to us. "Hi Jack!" Her high pitched annoying voice rang through my ears, it sounded like someone was dragging nails on a chalk board. Jack looked just as annoyed as I did, "Bernadette, what do you want?" he asked with a sigh, she pouted trying to look cute. "I was wondering if you would like to come over and hangout let's say around seven P.M?" I growled under my breath and Jack rolled his eyes, "He's busy sorry, so go take your fake self some where else and stop bothering MY boyfriend."  I emphasized the word 'my' so she would get the hint that he doesn't like her in that way anymore. "Maybe he would like an update on chicks, and go from a F to an A" she smiled evilly. I got up and walked out not even waiting for him.

The thing is... he never came for me... Maybe... He doesn't like me in that way. Was I really that ugly? Was I really not good enough for him? Maybe he is to good for me. Maybe I wasn't meant to have a happily ever after.  I walked home, as soon as I was inside I ran into my room. I was in the bathroom, I open the back of my phone where I hid my blade, I slowly slid it across my wrist. 

1 cut, I am a nobody.

2 cuts, I'm ugly.

3 cuts, I will never be loved.

4 cuts, I will never be happy.

5 cuts, I am nothing.

6 cuts, I am useless.

7 cuts, I'm worthless.

8 cuts, I'm not a perfect looking girl.

9 cuts, I will never have a happy ending.

10 cuts, I should end the pain for others by leaving.

I wrap my wrist up with a bandage, I strip from my clothes and turn on the shower.I sit in the corner of the shower and cry. I knew if things were to good to be true, than they weren't. I knew he didn't feel the same way, but I fell for the trap. I knew I should've run, but I didn't. So i am now I am running from everyone and everything and I am not going to stop.  should've known better, but I was stupid. I guess leaving is the best option. 

I dried off and went into my room and grabbed some clothes and put them on.I heard a knock on my door, "Who is it?" I  yelled. "Your favorite!" Anna, I open the door. "whats up?" I ask her, she gives m a raised eyebrow. "Okay first off, are you okay? and second of all," She lifted the sleeve of my shirt and silently cussed. "Anna I don't wanna talk about it." I tell her and pull my arm back. "Okay well Jack called worried wondering if you were here I told him you came home and he is on his way." She said, "Well I don't wanna talk to anyone so can I just be alone for a while?" I ask her softly. She nodded her head in understanding of what I was trying to say. 

I shut and lock my door, but I know he will wait by the door until I open it to talk to him. I also won't give in to easily and he know that. I was interrupted from my thoughts when I heard a know on the door. I ignored it. I put on So Far Away by Avenge Seven Fold. Lightly singing the song I heard Jack's voice. "Will you please tell me why you ran off like that?" He asked, I ignored him. "Please answer me..." His voiced cracked at the end, I know he was going to cry, I felt terrible but I wasn't going down so easily. "Why didn't you come after me? After I ran, or stand up for me?" I asked him, he didn't respond, "That's what I thought." I said and went back and grabbed my blade and cut myself up.

As I was cutting I heard his foot steps fading. If he really cared he would have staid and fight for me, but he doesn't care. He probably thought I was just going to lay him. I was hoping for something that isn't real. I should've known not to get my hopes up. I heard another knock on my door. "Alissa...let me in." This time it was Rick, he sounded genuinely worried. I open the door and he walks in, I didn't hide the fresh cuts I am sure Anna told him I was cutting anyways. He looked at my arms and sighed, he hugged me... The guy that barely showed any emotion was hugging me. I hugged back, I wanted to cry because of the stinging pain in my heart and my arms. 

He pulled back and put his hands on my shoulders, "Stop cutting. I worry that if you do cut I won't be able to be the caring person towards you." He told me than walked out shutting the door. I locked it again, I know he told me to stop but I couldn't. I was getting a little dizzy and little red dots were covering my vision,  I fell into a dark abyss. I don't want to fight anymore, I am done this is how I end. Goodbye everyone that I thought I could trust but only in the end I found out all the lies. Bye Jack. Bye Mary. Bye Anna. Bye Rick. Bye Alex. Bye to everyone.