amnesia || lrh (finished)

Chapter 36

It had been numerous days since the last time I saw my parents, Elaine and Luke. After I went to the park, I snuck back in, locking the door and lying in my bed for exactly 9 days. I hadn't eaten in a while, and the rumbling in my stomach was killing me but I was too depressed to even do anything.

Luke tried calling me and my parents and Elaine would knock at my door but I was in too deep in my depression stage to bring myself to get up. The feeling of everyone lying to you made my heart crumble. It turns out that the people who were supposed to love me were the ones who had managed to hurt me.

Soon enough, Luke stopped calling me and I was glad that he did but a small part of me wanted to know how he's been doing. I forced myself to get up from my bed and logged on to twitter, going to his account.

@Luke5sos: Go ahead rip my heart out.

I don't know why but the tweet felt like it was directed to me and my stomach churned maniacally.

I sighed and decided I needed to clean myself up. I got up and showered, brushed my teeth in my bathroom before walking up to my closet.

I opened it and how fucking ironic that the first thing I saw was Luke's sweater lying there, folded neatly. He left it there, a while back when he used to come up in my room. At first, Luke wanted me to give it back to him but I'd tell him that I wanted to borrow it for the day. And when the next day comes, I'd say the same thing until it happened frequently and until he finally stopped, knowing there was no way I was giving it back to him.

I sighed and slipped in the sweater, being suddenly engulfed in his smell. I never washed it, it was sickly, but I loved how it smelt like detergent and a bit of sweat.

I went back to my laptop and blogged for a few hours before receiving an email. I checked it and surprisingly, it was from Calum.

I was expecting spam of an advertisement, or maybe from Luke.

But it turns out, it was from Calum fucking Hood.

I clicked on the email he sent me and there was an email attached, under the name of Don't Stop. I've been inactive on my social medias ever since I've become friends with the band, mainly because I'd find myself spending more time with them. Specifically, Ash and Luke. I wasn't sure what this Don't Stop file was but probably a new song.

"Hi, Brooke. So um, we're done recording our newest ep but it still hasn't been released. It's due in 8 months but I thought it would be good for you to listen to it.

Attached file: Don't Stop"

I rolled my eyes, trying to fight the urge to listen to it but soon enough, I lost control and clicked it. Hearing Luke's voice again, even though it was from a song, gave me some kind of relief and I felt relaxed.

It was all good until the song called "If you don't know" played.

As the intro was starting, I thought it would be another one of their upbeat songs but boy, was I proved wrong.

"Tonight we’re fading fast

I just wanna make this last

If I could say the things that I wanna say

I’d find a way to make you stay

I’d never let you get away," he sang and I stared at the ceiling. There was something about this song that felt like jt was written for me. I knew it was about me. It just had to be.

"Forget you and all the games we played

So go ahead, rip my heart out," My heart stopped when I remembered Luke's tweet.

"Show me what loves all about

Go ahead, rip my heart out

If that’s what loves all about,"

"I want you to want me this way

And I need you to need me to stay

If you say that you don’t feel a thing

If you don’t know let me go,"

I let out a shaky breath as I tried to control my tears that were threatening to spill out of my eyes as my mind traveled back to the day when we fought, when I told him I didn't love him.

"Lets forget the past

I swear we’ll make this last

Cause I remember the taste of your skin tonight

And the way that you look you had those eyes

I remember the way it felt inside

And the name of the songs that made you cry

You would scream, we would fight 

You would call me crazy, I would laugh

You were mad but you always kissed me

In the shirt that I had that you always borrowed," I looked down at his sweater I was wearing and clutched myself harder.

"When I woke it was gone there was no tomorrow

I want you to want me this way

And I need you to need me to stay

If you say that you don’t feel a thing

If you don’t know let me go

If you don’t know then just let me go,"

I listened to the song in repeat all day, almost being dehydrated from all the crying. I was so lost about everything and all I wanted to do was to run into Luke's arms.

a/n

omg hi guuuuys im sorry this took so long (did it?) im rlly busy bc school is starting and we don't have wifi at home

anyway today is a double update bc I know I won't be able to update in the next few days

im v sleepy but ily guys and thanks for suggesting the if you dont know bit

comment vote and share

-a(sh)thena