Forbidden: Leadership

Chapter 4

-NINFA'S P.O.V-

She's a hundred percent serious. She's really going to leave me. My heart is already broken but.. but..
"You promised you would never leave."
"What do you want from me? I'm not that person, angel. I cannot be who you ask me to me. I'm only hurting you more if I stay. You must know that is true."
Joel walks pass Valerie with a cold tone. "On your own. Sorry, I can't."
"You don't understand. Can't do this without you." I'm in tears but try to speak anyway.
"I'm only hurting you more by staying. You know it to be true, angel."
I do know. But losing her is one thing I think will physically be able to kill me. I'd rather deal with the pain than to watch her leave me. Makes no sense but at the same time...it does.
I need to get her to see. I don't think I can make it on my own.. not with our baby.. and.. I.. I need her.
"I.. I.. can't raise our ..child.. alone.." I get between sobs.
"What?"
"I'm.. I'm.. pregnant." I'm shaking and crying way too hard.
I see a tear shed. I see.. I see her grow pain. Grow pain quickly.
She cries out in pain and falls to the floor. Thick black viens grow and cover her body. I don't know when I got to her side, honestly.. But if I can help, I will.
Joel runs in as she starts like a seizure of some sort. Black blood pours from her mouth. It starts to drain from her nose and out as tears from her eyes.
"What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything. I just.. I told her the truth."
The blood starts to pour from her ears. It covers the surrounding floor. Joel runs her into the bathroom and puts her shaking body into the tub. It's not a seizure.. She's.. just.. bleeding? A lot. Black thick blood.
We need the Elder. Need his help.
"You called fo.." he stops his words and just stares.
"I don't know what's happening.." I say in tears.
"She's changing."
"WHY DO YOU SPEAK RIDDLES WHEN I NEED CLEAR ANSWERS?" Joel yells and it scares me.
"Calm down. Calm down. She's changing. She can't start a change until it's gone."
"The black blood?" Joel asks.
"Yes. Once that blood is gone, her body will regenerate. I'm guessing that taking every ounce of her energy literally drained all she was that was human."
I hear one thing I've literally almost prayed for but I would have prayed for no one. Her heart. Her heart begins beating. And my heart beats with it.
"Her heart beats." I say in more tears but with a smile.
"Are you sure?" Joel looks at me in question.
"I'm sure. I use to fall asleep to her heartbeat. It's also how I listen to see if the baby has a healthy heart."
The baby's heartbeat is all I have had to really calm me. I just have been focusing on that so much... since I couldn't hear hers.
"She knows now?"
"Yeah..."
"Did she say anything?"
" 'What?' "
"Oh. That's uh.."
Red blood slowly drips from her nose. I can't tell if that's a good sign. Maybe I can heal her...
"You can't heal her, Ninfa."
"Did you purposefully read my mind?"
"Yep. Good luck." He says and vanishes. Wonderful Elder.
"He's right."
"I know, I know." But it doesn't mean I can't try.
"Let's get her washed up. Then you guys will rest. I'll clean the mess up."
"Already on it." I hear Luke yell from the bedroom. "By the way, this family is fucking weird."
"You married into it." Joel and I say. Both of us have bonded and it freaks Luke out, so we're use to saying that now. At least this hasn't been all that bad but all gas been crushing. Nothing makes a damn sense.
We clean up Valerie and get her into bed.
"Is her heart still beating?"
I listen for it and hear it. Beating strong. Beating for me.... well, us. Or... it.
"Yeah."
"Good. You should rest. The morning sickness came from stress because you didn't start until she woke. You need rest. So does she."
I curl up in bed with her. Joel and Luke leave after the messes are cleaned up. Misty climbs on the bed and lays with us.
"How are you doing?"
"Terrible. She woke up, that's great. She forgot she loved me, that's great. I told her I was pregnant because I was fucking scared she would leave me. And she almost did. Now she has her heart beating again, that's great. But we still have to have a conversation about why I kept this from her to begin with. She already forced me from helping with Lucifer, I respected it because she needed to do it herself. Now.. now.. She only came back because the baby.. not me.. not me.."
"Breathe. Master must breathe."
"Why do you call me master? Such an odd name to call one." I change topics to keep from crying any harder.
"You're Master or Mistress. You could be my mother? But I see you as best friend."
"I don't know how I would have lived my life without you, Misty." I say and scratch behind her ear.
Her loud purr makes me smile. This here is almost perfect. Misty's purr and warmth. Valerie's breathing and heartbeat and the tiny heartbeat that has grown a little more and more each day.
Fearful of when I'll wake but too tired to not sleep... I am given no choice but to sleep. In hopes for a better day.

The feeling of being totally alone. Never by yourself but you always feel alone. A world without my other half.
The heartbreak. The pain. All of it. May not even be worth it anymore but I can't die so I must learn to live with the pain.
It's like... like.. even if my heart was ripped out, I would still feel it's heartbreak.
All the the single thought of her leaving me. All this pain to just the thought. Yet the thought won't leave me.
But she came back. She came back. It just wasn't for me. She came back for the baby, not me.
She came back because I'm with her child. That's the one thing that got her to care. NOT ME.
I break to the thought. Maybe it's not true love if I couldn't bring her back. If all she needed to care was a seed of her own.
True love may not exist for me. She could have been using me the whole time. She.. could have lied about loving me.
My mind is going crazy. All my thoughts turning painful and angry. To think that she didn't love me and the only thing to bring her back was because her child was created..
But that's not Valerie.. It's not.. It's not, right?.. It's.. It's not... It's not true love.

I wake. Wake to a pitch black room. Well... some light coming from the windows. But alone. All alone.
Not even Misty is here. And then the nice urge to ...to..
I'm running to the bathroom and just barely get there in time. Just barely. Joel is right. It is stress that's causing this because I had went a full 4 months without morning sickness and now...
I finish and wash myself a bit before heading out to the living room. In hopes to find someone. Someone who can possibly tell me I'm awake and not dreaming still.
"Ninfa." Joel smiles and pulls me into a hug. "Are you feeling better? Did you this morning?"
"I'm fine. And yeah, I did."
"You know you don't have to hide under the hoodie anymore."
"I know. But it's comfortable right now and I don't want to change. Too much effort. I just.." I.. don't care..
He releases me and sits me down on the couch. I don't see her... I shouldn't be surprised...
"Valerie just went out to get us all something to eat. Haven't exactly kept up with the shopping the pass few days."
"Oh."
"Ninfa, she won't be back for a while. You would feel better if you shower and change." Luke smiles to me.
"Probably... I guess you're right."
I get up, with help of Luke and Joel. They make me feel so fat. I feel fat. I am fat.
Heading in to shower, I get my own guard. Like usual, Misty follows and stands outside the door. Just in case I fall or something. Although, I doubt very highly that anything will hurt me or this baby.
I don't want to put so much trust on that though. I'm glad Misty's here. Makes me feel safe when Valerie isn't. And she's always here til I'm done.
I begin to get dressed in our room. Misty gives me my privacy. I'm thankful for it. I've been self-conscious of my body.
Don't get me wrong, I've grown to love the baby as it grows. It just makes me feel really fat. But maybe it's also because normally I'm a good 130. Now I'm more, I don't even know. But because of the baby.
The baby is a blessing. Just makes me feel fat. I am fat.
I sigh and slip my shirt on. Something I should do is not be trapped in my thoughts. Something I should do is notice.
I quickly pull the hoodie over me. Though it doesn't really matter now. I feel like every thing is going to crumble down.
"You're beautiful."
I can't help it. I just... sort of laugh? But I know I'm also crying. I'm a mess.
Her arms wrap around me. It's like my heart literally ripped through my chest to just be with hers. And now.. now I'm sure I'm just crying more.
I can't get over the feeling in my gut.. But being home feels right.. I'm lost.. so lost.
"Please don't cry. It's my fault and I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault. That wasn't you." I have to believe in some way that her leaving me wasn't her really talking.
I have to have belief in that because if I don't.. it only proves the feeling in my gut. Only proves the dream..
"It was. I had thought that if I loved you once so much that if I left you it would hurt me."
The heartache.. returns to her words. "You really were going to leave me." I hate being right...
I pull from the hug, though I really don't want to. She steps back from me.
"It wasn't like that. I was, yes. But when I was able to feel again I would have came back. I was trying to find a way back."
"So me being pregnant just adds a nice little nudge to it? And if I wasn't then right now you wouldn't even be here."
She drops to her knees and I see tears stream from her beautiful ruby eyes. It sucks to know that if I wasn't with child that she would have actually left me. And I can't help but feel anger on top of the sadness and heartache. The dream... All real.. all true..
"You don't understand.."
"Everything is laid down in front of me. I understand fully. If I wasn't pregnant you would be gone. Because I'm pregnant is the only reason why you came back."
The words. The anger. It all... It's just coming out. I can't stop myself anymore. I can't stop this indescribable pain.