Forbidden: Leadership

Chapter 60

-NINFA'S P.O.V-

    Valerie has been gone far too long. Way too long. My heart won't stop this pain. Like something is wrong..
    I came to Joel's the moment she left. I can't stop my worrying and Joel is more levelheaded in stress than any of us. But I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong.
"We have to go there."
"We can't. It's not safe."
"I don't care. I can protect Dakota and I. But something is wrong. I need to.."
"Ninfa, I'll come with you. Leave her with Luke?"
     I nod to Joel. Luke takes Dakota. Luckily she's been asleep.
    I take Joel's hand and blink to the fairy island. He groans the moment we land. He gets sick sometimes.. or all the time. He's not use to when Valerie or I do it.
    He draws the sword that Valerie created for him. We start a small walk.
    The image of a beautiful tree. White oak and vines that hang loosely. The leaves are a mystic green. The hallow tree. No darkness.
    She's fixed this, which is good for the fairies. I take one side of the tree and Joel the other. The place seems abandoned. No fairies at all. They much have retreated to the school. Valerie may have ordered it.
    The sight is ...hard to see. A bright light outlining a being that's on their knees. It takes me a moment to notice who it is.
    I rush over and wrap my arms around her. Though she just cries. I can tell something is wrong. Something majorly.
"Val.."
     She doesn't answer. I take her hand and am immediately sent a flashback. It takes me a moment to focus on it.
    Within my mind, I watch Valerie. Watch god. A dark form of god. The last bit.. sends me to tears.
     Her.. The part holding our child ripped from her. Set aflame with the dark God in suicide murder.
    My heart is breaking because her heart is. Because we lost our child. I know she's healed because of the way the light surrounds her.
    A light that I sense from god, is within her. She's in silence, staring at the ashes. A little pile set in a different hold from the body's ashes. Where he died, holding it outward to show.
"Val.. look at me, my love."
     There is no movement. Joel sits at her side. It seems as if Valerie is playing the moments over and over because with each touch, it gives me glances of it.
    Joel looks to me with tears in his eyes. I know I'm crying. I can hear her crying but she's trapped in this moment.
      I lean in and lightly kiss her cheek. Her cheek soaked with tears. Nothing I do brings comfort.
"You see. I failed. I protect others, not myself. So IF I would have given protection to this child, I wouldn't be staring at the ashes of my uterus. I WOULDN'T BE A FUCKING FAILURE. I WOULDN'T BE USLESS. I JUST WANTED TO SAVE. I JUST WANTED TO HELP." She screams out loudly.
    I wrap my arms around her tightly. "Valerie, you couldn't have known."
"I didn't want God's powers. Not at this cost. His dark side. And. And I CARED. I cared. I wanted the baby. I..I.. I was happy with the idea. I was happy."
"It's not your fault." Joel says.
    Valerie falls silent. I can only hold her and soak her shirt with tears. A pain I wished I'd never feel is one to lose a child.
    I know Valerie is in more distressed to it. I understand fully. I feel her heartbreak adding to my own.
    I was happy for our child. I was happy Valerie would be host. I was happy to know I caused that. I was happy.
    Whenever we get happy, something goes wrong. A battle and wounds. A broken and repair. But this.. this I don't think we can repair.
"I want to name it." She says in a cry.
"Okay..."
"Skylar."
     I can't say anything but I find peace knowing the baby's name. Skylar. Our baby...
"Skylar sounds nice." Joel says between his own tears.
     Joel runs off quickly. Not too sure what he's up to but I can't find the will to move. My tears are flowing as bad as Valerie's. The losing of Skylar.. to feel that is more pain than I've felt.
"We can make it through this can't we?"
"I don't know."
    Her words hurt to hear but I understand. I mean, I don't. I have no idea how she is really feeling.
    Joel comes back with a few things and soon makes a makeshift grave. Somehow this makes Valerie feel better and I can tell because some of the added pain fades. The last touch of the grave and now says our names and the baby's and ...and it's a grave.
"We should get out of here. Give all clear to fairies." Joel says into the silence, anything to try and switch focus for our feelings..
"Okay." Valerie says plainly.
    We're teleported to the school. Valerie only nods for an all clear. Luke meets us at the school and I grab Dakota. Valerie takes us home once I have Dakota.
    Valerie veers off to the bathroom and I lay Dakota down for the night. I walk into Valerie... standing before the mirror, staring at the blood stain hole in her shirt.
    I wrap my arms around her. She has no response to it but I know in some way I am helping. At least I hope I am.
"I'm sorry. I know I can never understand the feeling but... But I lost Skylar too."
"I failed you. Dakota. Your carry. ..Skylar. I've failed you all."
"Hero's have their backfires."
"EVERY DAMN TIME." Valerie yells and though I don't want it to, I couldn't stop myself from flinching.
     Though in my arms, she manages to fall down. I keep her close to me, as close as I can.
"Nothing you could have done better. You were pinned. You couldn't stop him."
"Cause I'm worthless. Weak. Pathetic."
"Don't say that. You still have Dakota. You have me. You have our other. You know damn well you're worth a lot to Dakota. I know it hurts and it does. It fucking hurts, Valerie. I lost a child and couldn't do a god damn thing either. So you're not alone with that feeling. You can think your worthless but you are not. You're my fucking everything. Even if you don't think so."
    She gets up and gets in the shower. Clothes and all. She takes them off while the water beats against her. After undressed, she sits in the floor and let the water beat on her back.
    I undress and join her. Through the water she tries to hide her tears and I do the same. I can tell she froze time but kept this little spot free so she can enjoy the hot water.
    I try to hold her but it's a lot harder when we're like this.
"I don't blame you. You cannot blame yourself."
"Hmph." She says but otherwise stays silent.
    The shower ends when I realise she's cried herself to sleep. I carefully take care of her, drying off and clothing. She doesn't bother waking to the movements.
     I lay her on the bed and climb in with her. She would be angered, will be, when she knows I've carried her as I did. But I did what I had to.
    I lay closely to her. She wraps her arms around and pulls me as close as she can.
"Please never leave me." She says in a whisper.
"I thought you were asleep?"
"Please never leave me."
"I would never."
"Thank you."
     I know she fades out again. I sigh. "I love you."
     Her silence confirms her sleep. I drift off myself. Into a sleep.

    His hand digs into her stomach and emerges with her uterus. The organ holding our child. He backs away and commits suicide.
     The drop of the organ onto the ground and turns to ash almost instantly breaks my heart. No heartbeat found within Valerie. The pain of watching my child dying, though barely alive.
    I can feel Valerie's pain. I can. It's like a wave of energy that feels stronger than any she's ever shared. Like she shows her feelings more.
     Skylar. Skylar for our Prince or princess. Skylar for a burial. A name for our lost child.
    No parent is suppose to out live their child. This pain proves the saying all the more. To feel like the one thing you created by pure love was destroyed in the smallest moment.
    This could have been better if it were medically problemed. But it was a fight and a final blow that surely is taking us down.
    A good final blow. One close enough to destroy us all. Close enough to ruining what this is.
    With her actions, I'm unsure it's possible to get over this easy. I have fear it is what could break us. To lose something so dear.
    Unborn or born. Heartbeat or not. Skylar was our child and they were loved the moment I had that dream.
    I just... I just...

    A scream wakes me. The scream was Valerie. I comfort her the ways I can.
"It's alright, Val. I'm here. Let me make it better."
"You can't.. I'm fine."
"Don't lie to me."
"I..I.. am breaking."
"I know, baby. I know. You have me, you have me. We could try again some time if you wanted?"
"Forgive me but I don't. Not now at least. I can't. I can't. I can feel it regrow within me but it holds no baby. And I just can't."
"Alright. I understand."
    She falls silent again. My heart is torn in so many ways. So many ways.
    Dakota starts crying from her room. I get up and quickly run to her.
"What's wrong, babygirl?" I pick her up.
"Mommy."
"Yeah, mommy is doing alright though. We're working on it."
"Can I..I sleep..p with y..you?" She speaks between her cries.
"Of course, babygirl."
     I head back into our room. Valerie take Dakota in a tight hug. As if she were to fade away in any moment.
    I can see the sadness in Valerie's ruby eyes. I can see pass the smile she shows Dakota. I can see her pain and feel it myself.
     I was always told what is God's will is God's way. And I never once fell for that crap. But in this, I can blame him because his dark half did this. He did this.
    I climb back in bed. Dakota clings onto Valerie and Valerie will not let go. I keep searching in her eyes for something. For anything. But all I see is a depressed soul. Maybe a small bit of love.
    I feel so down. So hurt. And if Dakota wasn't here, I'd be curled up in a ball, crying my eyes out.
    I didn't expect her to become pregnant. I didn't expect the excitement grow from both of us. And now it's a tragedy.
    Valerie's hand lightly wipes my tears, careful of hitting Dakota. I see love and worry in her eyes but mostly sadness takes over.
"Do not cry, my beautiful angel. It was just not to be. It hurts. But we will get over it sooner or later."
"We lost our child. You believe it's your fault. I don't. I just wish there was something I can do."
"Just be here. That's all you can do."
     I nod and try to smile. She closes her eyes and sighs.
"I prayed. For the first time in my life. I had prayed." She pauses. "So much for that bullshit."
    The transition between spoken words to in mind is an interesting play. But it is good cause I really would rather Dakota not curse. It's a little funny but at the same time, it's put in for rather good use.
"I never believed in praying much either." 
"Forgive me."
"We'll be okay."
     Somehow I do not feel like that is true. Maybe..
"Just need time."