Forbidden: Leadership

Chapter 6

-NINFA'S P.O.V-

Her leaving me is her way of saying sorry. But I was so angry. I still am.
She only came back because I am pregnant. I don't want to hear the excuses she has to make that seem not bad. It is bad that only that fact brought her back. My kiss couldn't bring her back. My healing kisses didn't bring her back. But now this.. this was the only reason.
I was scared to talk to her but now.. now I just don't want to. I don't know how she is. I know she's on the island. But that's all I know..
I can't feel that link she made between us so we can share speed and other magical abilities. I can only talk to Misty but other than that, I don't feel her like I use to.
I miss her so much but I think it really is over. I know our love is ..fake, it's just we were never to be.. We're not the same as the fake us would have been..
It's silly... I go to bed and expect her to be there when I wake. Or expect to hear that awful groan she would cry when Misty would hit in places she shouldn't. But no... the bed is soft and warm, it's perfect but it's not.
My heart is unhappy. I am still angered. And hurt... She says there is more to talk about but how can there be?
And no one can get ahold of her. She left her phone here on purpose. She knows that I know where she is. It's just that I'm not feeling up to pathetic excuses.
I'm glad she's back. She's okay, it's good. It's just not the same and I don't think it ever will be again.
My mind always gets the best of me... But yet I begin to fall asleep. To the small beats of our baby's heart.

A ping in my chest wakes me. A sign that she's near. It's been happening now... like my heart is saying that the one I love is here.. but.. not for me.
I get up and head to the door. I listen... And hear her voice. It instantly brings me to tears.
If I could get over the anger, we wouldn't be apart. But I can't because there was no us. It's not right that our love, if it was love, wasn't strong enough to break her free but knowing I'm pregnant was. It's not fair.. It's just not...
"I won't, Joel. I can't. She has to come to me. I can't force her to listen to me when she can't settle herself enough to even try."
"How have you been? You look terrible."
She laughs.. oh I've missed the sound..
"I'm good. I've been working on a protect and got it done."
"Have you been taking care of yourself?"
"I guess? Does it matter?"
"Valerie, you don't look healthy. It matters."
She's ill?... because of me no doubt. Why does she worry if she didn't care for me?
"I'm fine. Don't worry."
"I'm going to worry. I know you don't die permanently but killing yourself humanly like this is wrong."
"I'm fine. I don't need those things."
"Sleeping and eating is a must, Valerie. Even for the demons who barely need it."
"Barely. So, I'm fine."
She's.. killing herself.. torturing herself. Not eating. Not sleeping...
"How is she?"
"Ask her yourself."
"Is she at least eating and sleeping?"
"Yes. Unlike you, she's smart."
"I've been busy setting things up, okay? I don't have time for stupid things like that."
"I miss you here."
"I miss being home.." My heart is being crushed. "But I no longer hold a home here. It's over between us, Joel. I accept it. It's okay. I just need to make sure she's safe and is healthy and everything else."
So we are over... of course.. even she admits it.
"You should really talk to her."
"I think I have an idea. Not so sure how it will play out but in the end I'm giving all I got. I might go back after this."
"You're not taking that crown, Valerie."
"There is nothing here for me anymore, Joel. She was my freedom. Was. I'll be okay now. When the monsters do start to rise again, I will stop them. Everything in the world will be set as should."
    It sounds like she's spilling her lies more. She doesn't love me. She can't care.
"What about your baby?"
"If she wanted me to be part of the child's life, she would have came to me by now. I've made peace. It's been a month. I'm not going to be in that kids life."
I.. I... She's right.. It seems that way. I want her to be the parent she's meant to be. But.. I.. I can't. Not after everything.
"What are you going to do?"
The conversation was over. No sounds outside. Nothing.
I lay back in bed and cry into Misty's fur. She comforts me the best she can but doesn't say anything. She's heard what I have.
It's over. She's going back to hell. All because she thinks I don't want her.
I do... I don't.. I do... It's just.. It's hard to look pass the fact that me holding her baby is the only way she woke up.. not our love. I can't tell if the love was real. I can't..
I cry myself to sleep. And I sleep deeply. Filled with nothing but the pains she has caused me these pass 6 months. That I have caused myself.

Waking to the familiar sounds of wildlife outside ...it almost seems as of it's a dream. Opening my eyes... I'm in ..this weird place. A skylight.. wooden walls? Beautiful designs.. the bed is even different but feels the same.
There's a note on the pillow beside me in her handwriting.

'Dear Ninfa,
You never were going to come to me and I know that now. I've spent my days making this place for you. Making it perfect for you and our baby.
It's okay that you won't listen. But maybe you'll read. Or not, that's up to you.
I came back because you are pregnant. But it's so much more than that. So much more.
I came back because your love for me is so strong you willingly hold a demons child.
I came back because you would love me enough to carry our baby even through all the mess we have seen with demon babies.
I came back for many more reasons but in the end... It's you. You're the reason I came back. Your love being so pure. That's what brought me back.
I just wanted you to know. I just needed you to know. And I give this.
I give this house I built with my own hands. I give the creations I have made for ..your.. baby. I give you freedom from me, from not having to hear my words every again after this.
I gave you everything and all of me. Anything and everything you need for our child, you ask Joel and he will give to my order. Everything you will ever need is all set for you and the baby. You will make a wonderful mother.
So... Go look around. Have fun at your new house on your island. I have charmed everything for protection and a billion other things.
Make the house a home, Nin.
And as I promised the day I married you. It would be forever and always. And it is. I love you forever and always.
I hope you find the peace you're looking for. Maybe I'll see you around but in one way or another, I'll always check on you... Though you don't know it, I will always be around in someway or another.
Goodbye, my love.
Yours truly, Valerie.'

My heart.. I messed up.. I fucked up..
I stumble around and look around. Though my eyes are clouded with tears... I see perfection. Everything is beautiful. Everything is perfect.. But it's not a home..
I blink myself back to... her house..
"Hey Ninfa. What are you doing up?"
"Where is she?"
"What do you mean?"
"Where is Valerie?"
"Isn't she on that island thing you have?"
"She kicked me out. I don't live here anymore. I live there now apparently. Where is she?"
"You can look in your guys room?"
I walk to it and open the door. Open the door to nothing. To no one.
I blink back to the island, to our spot. But nothing. I blink to the house and search for her... But nothing.
I found what she meant by creations.. a crib and cradle she has carved. There's even a miniature house... one where the baby would play with when they get older. And.. And there is... a note.. painted onto the wall.
'You're so beautiful. Bright. You shine like your mother.'
I hate this. I hate it all. I love it all but... but..
I thought I felt pain before. I thought I felt pain before this. I didn't. It's like she's been ripped from me but it's my own fault. If I would have gone pass the anger. If I would have let her explain...
I'm so stupid. I'm so fucking stupid. I hate myself.
I... I hate myself.