It just hit me that this story..thing..has been called Anna, Dylan, and now Kai.
And while I know each of these names I went by are still me, at the same time, it feels like different people, at different parts of my life.
Anna is sweet. Anna is old Taylor Swift music and life lessons and pretty girl crying and basic fashion and "i love my boyfriend" and too naive. Anna loves her friends and honestly annoys the fuck out of Kai because Kai knows that the person Anna loves so much won't last and Anna is disgustingly in love with this person and it sucks.
Dylan is bitter. Dylan is angry music and soft drugs and really long nights full of mental breakdowns and poetry and no fashion sense and no motivation and no anything because every person he fell in love with hurt him in a different way and he built a wall to protect himself. But Dylan is also a gentleman who is still. too. naive. Dylan misses Anna but doesn't know how to get her back because he changed so much.
Kai is trying. Kai is still long nights and stress and overdoing it, and by it they mean everything, because they are trying to compensate for the time that Dylan stole. Kai is busy all the time to distract themselves from the way Dylan feels, that stuck with them. And also?? Kai likes boys? Older boys? (and girls too whoopdie doo) But these boys?? Suck? But so do girls? Everyone they like just winds up sucking? But that won't stop them from liking everyone!
And, like I said, I am all these people. I am me, this whole person. But sometimes, I just feels like I'm just watching these people living their lives, from the other side of the room. And when I remember what happens in my life, I remember them as when I was Anna, or Dylan, or Kai. I don't remember years, or ages, or times. I remember myself as other people. I remember myself as me?
I don't remember which one I am. I'm all of them? But I don't feel like any of them.
