My Fake Boyfriend (Complete)

1.Jessie

Jessie

I don't know when it started; I can barely remember the incidents. But I remember the difficult days which passed, and I can still remember his face, his voice, his laughs, his eyes, and the way he said my name. He was different, too different from other guys, to the point of annoying other guys, he was different to the point of making other guys jealous, making girls feel weird around him, and not in a good way.

You see good guys are rare to find, good girls are too, but I'm speaking in a girl's point of view, I always had this problem; my thoughts on good guys differed completely from other girls' type of good guys. For them a good guy has to be; handsome, should be the same level as them (financially and socially), buy them lots of gifts, treat them good, has to be better than their friend's boyfriends, should be rich, should compliment them all the time, maybe even be their slaves, and last but not the least they should be a good kisser.

It's not the same for me, I don't want a guy with all those qualities above, and sure they are good but not good for me. Other than all the qualities of; being understanding, sweet, kind, having a nice personality, all those girls forgot about the best thing; love. Or maybe they weren't looking for it after all.

All I want and wanted and will forever want is; I want him to love me.

I want him to be madly, passionately, crazily, and completely in love with me. I'm not saying this because I'm selfish, or I want attention, I'm just saying this because I think one should either not fall in love, or they should love deeply. So far, I haven't found the guy who has that quality I want, all around me are guys with all the good qualities any other girl would like, but I haven't found the one for me. You might say; stop searching, it will come and smack you in the face one day, love comes when you least expect it. Honestly I don't believe in that. Why are all my friends so happily in a relationship, if love is unexpected? Sometimes I just don't understand people and the way they think. Since they all have their lovers and look so happy, they don't want you to be happy and they complain that relationships are not that good, or being single is the best thing that can happen to anyone. But you know what? They're lying. They're happy and don't want you to be happy like them.

Among the entire male population of nearly two hundred eighty two thousand and two hundred eighty two in my city (Louisville, KY), men are always looking for women and they always get them, why?

Because they don't just sit down, and wait for the unexpected, mysterious girl to come into their lives. They actually look for them. They stare at girls, use online dating applications and websites, they even go on blind dates to find the love of their life. And they usually do find them, and they live happily ever after with their princesses, like those fairy tales my mother used to read me when I was only seven. Not anymore, because; firstly she's dead and secondly I'm not a kid anymore and can read my own books now. My problem is I have been looking for love too, but I can't just find them. I don't know the reasons, I have been asking myself many questions, like: Am I not pretty enough? Am I rude? Am I not good enough? And many other unmentionable questions.

Before I talk about that particular guy, who broke me completely. I will talk about all the other ones before him, since it's only normal to start from the beginning. In case you're wondering, I have never had a boyfriend in my entire life, I am twenty two years old, and have never had a boyfriend, or been asked out, by anyone. Even girls. I am not a lesbian. I am just stating the facts, it is the twenty first century and we all know it's pretty normal to find gays, lesbians, bisexuals and even transgender among us. But I have not even been asked out by girls. I know what you're thinking, and you're right. I have never been kissed too.

In high school it was all normal, I was the geek after all, I called myself; the pretty geek. I was confident that one day I will definitely have a lover, someone who likes me or loves me for whom I am, who I will definitely love back. But my hopes all crushed when I got into college. I had only asked out nine guys by the time I was in high school, my first crush was when I was in kindergarten, I was trying to play with the boys since I felt like being friends with boys more than girls, even when I was only four years old, but my crush pushed me and I fell hard on my ass on the ground.