Transitioning

Esme

Volume Seven

"A lot of people have things to say about me, some true, some false but I know what I've done in the past and what I haven't. Y'all may think I'm this strong ass person but I'm not." I admitted. "I cry, I doubt myself, I even attempted to commit suicide before but I created this group so I can tell my story and tell y'all it does get better. Y'all will actually smile and let it be real, there is light at the end of the tunnel." 

"What's hard about your life?" Some girl asked. "You beautiful, you're hair always done, always got money and got expensive shit on. Every boy want you, even some girls, you got a rapper boyfriend who loves you. I have to ride the bus every morning, beg my parents for money, I don't even know if I can go to prom or even graduation because I can't afford it. I really wanna how the fuck can you relate." 

"Esme, didn't start this to be insulted-"

"She's fine Ms.Liya." I told the supervisor sitting on the desk. "What's your name?" 

"Tonya." 

"Well Tonya, everything you said might be true but my life wasn't always this way. My parents were murdered in my face when I was 11 and my sister was 18, even before they died I was getting raped by my uncle, the same uncle I had to live with once they died because he was the next of kin. I was in clubs at 12 since I didn't have a babysitter and my sister had to make us money to eat. I may seem like there's nothing wrong but don't forget the happiest person is always the saddest behind that smile." 

"I attempted to commit suicide twice, I failed each time." This girl Rachel spoke. "Each time my mother was the one who found me and each time she did everything in her power to save me. I hated my life but I hated myself even more seeing the look on her face as she tried to understand why her only child wanna take the life she created."

"That's...wow." I said speechless, that just hit home.

"I used to get bullied." This football player named Jarvis said. "I wore the big dusty ass clothes, sneakers that's worn out, just looking like some dirty nigga. I'm 18 in the tenth grade because instead of going to school, I started skipping and finding trouble just so I could make some money and not be that nigga people talked about."

"You was always cute though." Jala spoke up making all of us look at him. "Your clothes don't define you and I had to learn that myself. People spend they rent on Jordans and designer clothes just to impress people but for what? Yeah you got the new Js but you riding the bus, every $200 you spend on some sneakers could be put up to buy a car or even your own apartment."

"I was forced to be older than what I am." Spencer added. "Every time I have money it goes to my son or my bills. Y'all be embarrassed to pull out a EBT card meanwhile I'm wishing I could get free money, I'll hand that card over while smiling. Life is hard out here when you have to provide for your self, I wished my biggest problem was getting talked about for my clothes."

"You've said you been raped? Did you report it?" A girl Katy asked.

"No." I admitted. 

"Is your uncle still alive?" Jarvis asked.

"Yes." 

"I was in class when you said someone in this school raped you, did you report him?" Zamir asked.

"I've blamed myself for him raping me, if I wasn't over his house it wouldn't of happened but then I realized this wasn't my fault, it was his. I haven't had the courage to file a report but I have told someone his name."

"You ever thought about if he did this to other girls? How can't you report it knowing he could be harming other girls?" Wanda asked.

"You know I've never thought about that, you're right but how can I prove he's guilty a year later? What if no one speaks up? Our justice system will not only fail another black person but it'll be opening a door that I'm trying to close forever."