The Desolated Two

// ninety seven //

She didn't wake up.

As I stand in front of the mirror, staring at the black dress falling above my knees, I realise how I never brought this with me or how this dress doesn't even belong to me. This is her dress, that I'm wearing on the day of her funeral.

Nothing about this feels right. I shouldn't be disgracing her dress by wearing it, nor should I even have the right to speak the words I've been trying to conjure up on a piece of paper.

But she asked for me to wear this dress. She had it laid out for the day as my father told me last night. He also told me that she wanted white roses during her ceremony, reminding me of the one thing we had in common — our favourite flower.

He asked me to prepare a Eulogy because she wanted me to speak in a room front of people who are now strangers. These people include the relatives who have mocked me over the years and the neighbours who forgot me as soon as I was out of sight.

"Hey." I hear Aaron's voice behind me so I plaster a small smile on my face as I turn around to see him standing in a black suit.

I step closer to him and fix his tie for him as I look into his eyes, "Hey."

"How are you holding up?" He asks, the question I'm getting sick of hearing, but I know he's only asking it out of pure concern.

"I'm fine." I repeat the monotonous answer.

I turn to look at the reflection of the two of us in mirror and my hair are falling over my shoulder as my face bears the appropriate amount of make up, perfectly hiding away the bags beneath my eyes.

"Is 'fine' the reason you haven't shed one tear, Dee?" He asks, his words slicing through me as I snap my eyes to him in our reflection. "It's been two days, and everyone's worried about you. I know you hate me even mentioning this but baby, you haven't cried."

He wraps his arms around my waist as he pulls my back closer to himself and rests his forehead on my shoulder, his hair tickling the skin on my neck.

"No one has anything to be worried about, Aaron." I say, the lie sprinting out of my mouth before I can even think about it.

I am not fine. I am far from fine. I feel like someone has caged my mind and my heart together as one tries to win the fight over another but both are losing miserably because my mind is failing to comprehend the emotions running through me, while my heart feels like it's bleeding out.

He sighs, turning me around as he kisses my forehead, "Are you ready to do this?" He asks and I nod, "Alright. Come on, the car's waiting downstairs. I sent Emily with Connor and Ella."

I give him a thankful smile as he leads me out of the room to downstairs, my eyes momentarily shifting to the room I've been deliberately avoiding.

The drive to the church is spent in absolute silence but Aaron keeps holding my hand, as if he's afraid of physically losing me. When we reach, he tugs me towards him as I notice the familiar faces of our long family from both my mother and father's side giving me looks of sympathy while some don't even recognise me.

We silently walk towards the front row and I notice my father in his uniform. His eyes are bloodshot and I know he has been crying.

It didn't take Nate long to figure out what was going on when he heard me calling out for my mother over the phone. He didn't think before approaching Aaron in the store and they were immediately over at the house but it still took them fifteen minutes.

One of them must have called Marcel because two minutes later, he came barging in the room and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me sitting on the floor by her bedside, her cold hand in mine. Shelly called up my father and he was back home in ten minutes, possibly breaking all the driving laws himself.