Jin

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    After a long time in bed, nearly two whole days, I force myself to go on with my life. What choice do I have? Luckily, the young seems to be fine which is the only good thing. Namjoon comes back tomorrow and I'm terrified to see him.
    I've asked everyone not to mention it to him and after some guilt tripping they reluctantly agreed. He's under enough stress as it is and I don't need to add to it.
     Only Tae knows to the extent of what happened to me and I plan to keep it that way. It's better this way.
    The worst thing is I can't stand to be touched now. I'm usually such a touchy-feely person but I just can't stand it. Not even to my family members. I shy away from it. I just use the young as an excuse and keep space between me and the others.
     I don't really want to be around anyone either. I know I've become depressed and a loner. I keep to my room, covering my ears to the sounds of the other's happy lives going on around me.
     God, how did Taehyung hide this pain so well for so long? I don't understand. It would have driven me mad for that to happen over and over again, getting pregnant by your rapist and forced to mate them? I would have ended my life. Tae is stronger than me. The strongest person I know.
     He's even moving on with Bogum. I happy for him, they deserve such happiness because I can see how much Bogum loves him. He will care for him well. I just hope Tae doesn't let his doubts and worries tear them apart. They are perfect.
     "Jin?"
     I stiffen and try not to reveal that fact as Jimin peaks his head into my room. My eyes widen at all the large bruises and bite marks all over his neck. He flushes and pulls his collar up as he sees where my eyes focus.
     "Wow."
     "Uhh...me and Kookie had a fight." He giggles. "We made up."
     "I would say so." I mumble.
     He smiles. "Do you want to come eat with us? Namjoon called earlier, by the way. His seminar let out earlier so he will be back tonight. Jungkook told me."
     I force a smile. Crap. I thought I'd have another whole day to get ahold of myself. "Thanks."
    He hesitates. "Do you want to talk?"
    I shake my head. "No, but thanks."
   He frowns but don't push. "Alright. So, are you eating with us?"
    "I think I'm not hungry right now." I whisper. "Maybe later."
    He sighs but nods, leaving me alone.
I climb back into bed and close my eyes,

    I wake up sweating and hot. The lights are off and I can tell it's late. An arm is around me sending me into a panic. I push the limb off me and sit up, turning to see Namjoon groaning and rubbing his eyes. 
    I shudder in a deep breath and try to calm down. It's just Namjoon...just my mate. I'm safe...he won't hurt me...
    "Jin, baby. Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?" He asks, pulling himself up. He looks exhausted.
    I look down. "Sorry I woke you. I'm glad you're back." I mumble.
    Chuckling, he tries to pull me into his arms but I manage to free myself. "I'm sorry. I have to use the bathroom." I run into the bathroom and close the door. Running and hiding from my mate.
     Closing my eyes, I slide down to the floor and lift my shirt, ashamed and disgusted by the still too dark large bruises all over my belly. My thighs are also bruised with visible fingerprints still imbedded in my skin from being grabbed so roughly.
     I wipe my tears and try to stay quiet. I'm disgusting. He'll be disgusted once he sees me. My ass still throbs and it hurts to move too much. Luckily I can play most of my pain off on still being pregnant but...I don't know what to do when he wants to get intimate.
     He told me before that he'd wait until after the young is born for us to mate again but...the thought of it...makes me want to throw up. I love him but the thought of him sliding inside me...touching me so much...after the pain I just went through...I c-can't do it.
     What will he do if I can't satisfy his needs anymore? Will he leave? Will he hate me? Will he want another?
     Namjoon knocks on the door. "Are you Alright? You've been in there for a long time? Talk to me...is it the young? Are you in pain?" He sounds worried.
     I cover my face with my hands, muffling my sobs. His knocking becomes more frantic. "Jin open this door! Now!" He begins hitting against it so I scramble to my feet so he doesn't hit me with it.
     He storms inside and engulfs me in his arms. "Omega, why are you crying? Did something happen while I was gone?" He sounds so concerned.
     I take several deep breaths and relax in his arms, wrapping my arms around him. He rubs my back soothingly.
    "I'm tired." I whisper.
     Nodding, he lifts me off my feet and carries me back to bed, pulling me tightly into his embrace and rubbing my large belly comfortingly.
     His face nuzzles into my neck and he leaves gentle little kisses over my mating mark. I feel better like this. Some of my doubts fall away but it also just makes one thing very clear.
     Namjoon can never know what happened to me. I can't risk us being exposed and he'd never be able to not attack Daniel.
     With Daniel's appa a known high ranking government official with a vast knowledge of us hybrids...no, I can't let anything happen to us. I can bare this for the betterment of my family.
     I have to.
    Namjoon sighs contentedly behind me and I feel him drifting back to sleep.  I can't sleep. Not with his hips pressed tightly against mine. It hurts and I'm uncomfortable.
     As soon as he is definitely deep in sleep, I slip out of his grasp and go sleep with Taehyung in the next room.

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