where's my paradise? [ ✔ ] || σнѕн¢ αи∂ αѕѕ¢ℓαѕѕ

🌹 08-23-18

Hope you guys spare some of your time to read this. Has important messages in the end.

Dear readers,

The date is August 23, 2018 when I finished this book. I lost track of when I began this story but let's not mind that. 

I discovered myself because of this book. I saw on how I thought of things and people as well. 

I started in Wattpad in December of 2014. Long huh? Almost 5 years and this was my first successful book. I can tell that you're already thinking that why so late? It didn't matter if I was late in succeeding, I wanted everyone to love something that I did. I read so many big hit (lmao pun) stories here and learned something from them. It was fair I could say that. 

I've published so many books here in Wattpad but after a few weeks or months, I would find myself deleting the story that I worked hard for. My heart would hurt when I did so but I just couldn't stop that habit. 

Summer of 2018 is where I started this book. I had nothing to do so I just made another book. I would always think that someday, I would delete this book like the rest but surprisingly, I didn't. When I tried to delete it, I couldn't bring myself to do it since it made me look like a coward. And I was never a coward. 

I decided that I would continue writing this book. I plan out everything and was so excited since I had a good feeling about this book and I did. So many of you read this and commented so many times and it just made my day in so many ways. I started writing more chapters in just a week and eventually, school came. 

My friend played with my phone and saw the drafts of my book and laughed at them, telling me that it was so stupid and that I should follow a more realistic approach than using anime characters. I was furious but at the same time doubtful. Was my work really that good? Did people love my book? Or did they just vote out of pity?

Because of that, I didn't know if I was supposed to continue this story but a simple bring down of a friend isn't going to bring me down.

I wrote another chapter, just like how I always did. I didn't care about other people's opinions since this is what I love and I'm not going to let such words bring me down.

I had a hard time writing this book since the period of this book was the period where my depression worsened. It wasn't easy since I kept on comparing my work to others which make me frown a bit. But, that was pathetic and I wasn't pathetic.

Eventually, I saved myself. I wasn't dependent to someone, I saved myself. I didn't need a hand to help me up because I knew that I can do it, and I did.

Natsuya is like me, a person who looks like they can handle everything that the world can throw at them but inside, they were broken as fuck. Ichizo was just a person that I wanted to be. A person who can be by your side at all times and not mind all the problems thrown at them. Sacrifice for their loved ones and all that.

With that, you may start to think something. The two assassins were just me. One in reality and one in my imagination and or dreams. It had a deeper meaning than you expected right?

This book was just a little thing that I can do. I know that I can do much more than this and that is what I want to do in the future. I can and I will.

I'm an ordinary girl. A girl who prefers jeans and shorts than dresses and skirts. A girl who prefers snapbacks than headbands and other head accessories. A girl who prefers to surround herself with books, music and movies than parties, drinking and sex. A girl who prefers to be kind to everyone than be choosy in people. And lastly a girl who would prefer to be herself than be a plastic.

I'm not perfect but I'm limited edition.

I can and I will do more and publish more books to your liking.

I once had a dream, a dream in paradise, a paradise that the heart desires not the mind so I don't know what my paradise is.

Have you found your paradise? If you haven't then, don't look for it since it's going to look for you.

"Home is where the heart is and paradise is what the heart desires"

Love myself, Love yourself, Peace

 
Wish you read this since this is where my beginning will be.

Love you guys and I know that one day, paradise is there for you.